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All scientific discoveries should be shared among other scientists all over the world. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

All scientific discoveries should be shared among other scientists all over the world. v. 2
Scientific inventions brought so many changes in people’s life and people are greatly benefited by these research. The question which arise here that discoveries made by one researcher should be shared among others or not? I believe that discoveries particularly scientific must be shared with other related institutions or scientists. Sharing these inventions brings so many benefits to world. First and foremost researches in field of medical science, life science and so on save the life of people by curing fatal diseases or prevent the disease to spread in public. Consequently, mortality rate reduced drastically and people’s health improved. For example, Ebola broke-out in Africa took so many lives and put the world on risk of spreading in other countries. Though invention took some time to encounter disease, newly launched vaccination by British scientists helped to improve Ebola patients in Africa and stopped spreading further. Also, discovery was also shared with other organizations to look into other aspects with regards to local conditions. Secondly, everyone agree that inventions cycle is very long and lots of funds are spent for finding out new elements especially in astronomy, communication etc. If projects outcome and observation are shared then it not only prevent duplication at other places but also create platform to exchange views on same topic which may mutually help inventors and perhaps expedite the result. For instance, all developed country engaged in moon mission and only America have so far successfully landed at moon while others its seems to wastage of money. To recapitulate, though discoveries are always costly and time consuming and inventor who first find out may not be happy to share but sharing these discoveries offers so many advantages to world. May extra funds or facilities be given to pioneers in research field to compensate.
Scientific inventions brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
greatly
benefited by these research.
This sounds awkward in English. The standard is "The question of which".
The question which
arise here that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
made by one researcher should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
among others or not? I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
particularly
scientific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
related institutions or scientists.

Sharing these inventions brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to world.
First
and foremost researches in field of medical science, life science and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on save the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by curing fatal diseases or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the disease to spread in public.
Consequently
, mortality rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
drastically
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
For example
, Ebola broke-out in Africa took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and put the world on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of spreading in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries. Though invention took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to encounter disease,
newly
launched vaccination by British scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Ebola patients in Africa and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
spreading
further
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discovery
was
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
organizations to look into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
local conditions.

Secondly
, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "agrees", "agreed".
agree
that inventions cycle is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long and lots of funds
are spent
for finding out new elements
especially
in astronomy, communication etc. If projects outcome and observation are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
then it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
duplication at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
create platform to exchange views on same topic which may
mutually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
inventors and perhaps expedite the result.
For instance
, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
engaged in moon mission and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
America have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far
successfully
landed at moon while others its seems to wastage of money.

To recapitulate, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
are always costly and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
and inventor who
first
find out may not be happy to share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sharing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to world. May extra funds or facilities be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to pioneers in research field to compensate.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay All scientific discoveries should be shared among other scientists all over the world. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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