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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Scientific discoveries should be shared globally, and the government should not keep them as secrets. Use specific details and examples to support your answer. . v.1

: Scientific discoveries should be shared globally, and the government should not keep them as secrets. Use specific details and examples to support your answer. . v. 1
In the past, sporting champions were primarily thought about how to get a championship. Consequently, they had good impressions and good qualities. But these days sporting champions are doing something that can get to be famous and how to become a rich person. Then, nowadays they are only motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. I have an impression, the past sporting champions had a good desire their sports. Furthermore, They motivated by the desire to win and break the world records, and their breakthrough get a better future. However, They had not so wealth, but they did not think about, because they had a goal. For an example, They only want to become a champion for years. Then, They did not hopefully for a wage. And also, They had good qualities with sports and they are very kindly. In these days, The sporting champions are going quite the opposite way than like past sporting champions. An account of this, The present sports get black mark. At the current time, The sporting victors mostly wanted fact is funded and popularity. Moreover, They do not think about what is going in the sport their actions. Basically, They only use one kind of path what they can get more money. Therefore, They are famous is very important. However, They can use their popularity for making loot and they are using any method to become a champion. Finally, It is crucially important to understand that popularity and method reward cannot be the uppermost aims of any respectable sportsman
In the past, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champions
were
primarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a championship.
Consequently
, they had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
impressions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
qualities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these days sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champions
are doing something that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and how to become a rich person. Then, nowadays they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

I have an impression, the past sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champions
had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
desire their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Furthermore
, They motivated by the desire to win and break the world records, and their breakthrough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better future.
However
, They had not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
wealth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had a goal. For an example, They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champion
for years. Then, They did not
hopefully
for a wage. And
also
, They had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
qualities with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
kindly.

In these days, The sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champions
are going quite the opposite
Use "(way)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
way
than like past sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champions
. An account of this, The present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
black mark. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time, The sporting victors
mostly
wanted fact
is funded
and popularity.
Moreover
, They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what is going in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
their actions.
Basically
, They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
one kind of path what they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more money.
Therefore
, They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
However
, They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their popularity for making
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
loot and
they are using any method to become a champion.

Finally
, It is
crucially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand that popularity and method reward cannot be the uppermost aims of any respectable sportsman
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay : Scientific discoveries should be shared globally, and the government should not keep them as secrets. Use specific details and examples to support your answer. . v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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