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Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages? v.9

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages? v. 9
In today's competitive world, some employers want their employees to remain in constant contact with them, even during leisure time. While this trend may have some positives, it does bear a few negatives. To begin with, it is sometimes essential to be able to contact an employee, especially during difficult times at work, such as emergencies. For example, medical centres need to be able to reach their staff in case of patient emergencies; this urgent call may help save many endangered lives. Additionally, some situations require continuous communication; for instance, times of troubleshooting, in which a phone call or email may successfully deal with the problem and win a deal for the company. Despite the benefits mentioned above, regular contacting does not always benefit employers. Firstly, no staff likes to be contacted by their superiors when they are at home or a holiday. This interruption of relaxing time may invoke a feeling of resentment towards the employer. To illustrate, some individuals are forced to take their work round the clock, and sometimes they take their work home, which leads to a situation of overwork load. As a result, their mental stability is deteriorating without rest, which affects the quality of work they are doing. Moreover, employees may feel miserable at their workplace, and they might start seeking other job opportunities; this is an enormous loss for a business. Besides, no organisation profits from a troubled workplace because it may affect the growth and success of the company. In conclusion, although being able to reach subordinates during holidays may be a necessity in some situations, it may have a negative impact on employees' comfort and mental health. Hence, it should be reserved for emergencies only.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's competitive world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers want their employees to remain in constant contact with them, even during leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. While this trend may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
positives, it does bear a few negatives.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
essential to be able to contact an employee,
especially
during difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, such as emergencies.
For example
, medical
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
need to be able to reach their staff in case of patient emergencies; this urgent call may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
endangered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations require continuous communication;
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of troubleshooting, in which a phone call or email may
successfully
deal with the problem and win a deal for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Despite the benefits mentioned above, regular contacting does not always benefit employers.
Firstly
, no staff likes to
be contacted
by their superiors when they are at home or a holiday. This interruption of relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
may invoke a feeling of resentment towards the employer. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
are forced
to take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
round the clock, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
home, which leads to a situation of overwork load.
As a result
, their mental stability is deteriorating without rest, which affects the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they are doing.
Moreover
, employees may feel miserable at their workplace, and they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
seeking other job opportunities; this is an enormous loss for a business.
Besides
, no
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
profits from a troubled workplace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may affect the growth and success of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, although being able to reach subordinates during holidays may be a necessity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations, it may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on employees' comfort and mental health.
Hence
, it should
be reserved
for emergencies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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