Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. v.9

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. v. 9
Over the last few years, obesity has become a serious problem. These days, it affects an increasing number of both children and adults. Causes of overweight must be considered and addressed effectively; otherwise, societies will suffer from even greater health problems. This essay will look at the causes of this problem and make some suggestions about how to tackle it. One of the main causes of overweight is the high intake of junk food such as hamburgers, chips, and fried chicken. Many people prefer to have a takeaway meal or pick up a pre-prepared food in the supermarket, which contain high salt and fat, rather than cooking a healthy meal at home. For instance, in the UK, sales of junk food have risen significantly over the last few years. The solution is for the government to increase sales tax on any food that is considered to be unhealthy. This would make consumers decrease their intake of this type of food and start to make the healthy home-made one. People lack the knowledge of food ingredients and their health issues and thus do not make informed decisions while talking foods. Easy access to private cars has reduced the walking and cycling habit of people. The quality and ingredients of quick foods/ fast foods are not strictly monitored by the authority. Another problem is that fewer and fewer persons are doing sports. This is because of the high expenses of registration in a gym. For example, the monthly fees of gyms in the UK are around 40 or 50 pounds, which is very difficult to be afforded by many. To address this, the government could assign more money for sports facilities such as gyms to become more affordable. So that many persons would hopefully do sports and consequently start to lose weight. A third cause of the problem is the sedentary lifestyle many families are living all the time. The high quality of life and having many facilities make our lifestyle lazier. Many families have more than one car and they are using all the cars all the time to go to their destinations, even if it can be reached by bus or on foot. The way forward might be for the government to increase the price of oil and charge owners of private cars for road use. This would make people go to their destinations on foot or by bicycles instead of using their cars. To sum up, obesity becomes an increasingly worrying issue affecting a wide range of age groups. In my view, government, parents and school all have a role to play in tackling the problem. Action must be taken urgently; otherwise, our country will face even more serious problems in health.
Over the last few years, obesity has become a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. These days, it affects an increasing number of both children and adults.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Causes
of overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
and addressed
effectively
;
otherwise
, societies will suffer from even greater health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This essay will look at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions about how to tackle it.

One of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of overweight is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
intake of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as hamburgers, chips, and fried chicken.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have a takeaway meal or pick up a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the supermarket, which contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
,
rather
than cooking a healthy meal at home.
For instance
, in the UK, sales of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
have risen
significantly
over the last few years. The solution is for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to increase sales tax on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
is considered
to be unhealthy. This would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
consumers decrease their intake of this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the healthy home-made one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
lack the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ingredients and their health issues and
thus
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
informed decisions while talking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Easy access to private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the walking and cycling habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The quality and ingredients of quick foods/
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are not
strictly
monitored by the authority.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that fewer and fewer persons are doing sports. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
expenses of registration in a gym.
For example
, the monthly fees of gyms in the UK are around 40 or
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
50 pounds
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
be afforded
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. To address this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could assign more money for sports facilities such as gyms to become more affordable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons would
hopefully
do sports and
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to lose weight.

A third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the sedentary lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families are living all the time. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
quality of life and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our lifestyle lazier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
families have more than one
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
car and
they are using all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
all the time to go to their destinations, even if it can
be reached
by bus or on foot. The way forward might be for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to increase the price of oil and charge owners of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
for road
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. This would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to their destinations on foot or by bicycles
instead
of using their cars.

To sum up, obesity becomes an
increasingly
worrying issue affecting a wide range of age groups. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, parents and school all have a role to play in tackling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. Action
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
urgently
;
otherwise
, our country will face even more serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in health.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
453 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts