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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. v.10

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. v. 10
As the number of people who are overweight increases from day to day in the majority of countries in the world, it is essential that we consider the reasons for the growth in obesity among both youngsters and grown-ups. This naturally leads us to the question of how should societies treat the people who faced the problem of fatness. In this essay, I will explore the reasons for the situation in question, and try to find out the methods that can be applied to reduce corpulence among the people. To begin with, obesity may be viewed as a consequence of a better quality of life. Nowadays, workers earn more money and can afford eating food in the desirable amounts. This is not a problem as long as they are physically active. For instance, the US soldiers are keen eaters but their work requires a lot of energy thus reducing the risk of becoming burly. Therefore, the first step to avoid portliness is to do as many physical activities as you can or simply walk about five kilometres a day. Another common reason of why people get stout is the quality of food they consume. It is obvious that humans prefer nutrient products, which often contain insane amounts of fat. I believe that most of us have to change the diet by including more fruits and vegetables into it and replacing meat with fish, which is more contributing to our health. Many scientists believe that stress can also cause the wish of devouring more products, especially bakery and sweets. This mainly concerns women rather than men. To avoid this, those who are exposed to stress must find other ways of coping with it. They can relax their nerves by going in for sports, such as swimming and running.
As the number of
people
who are overweight increases from day to day in the majority of countries in the world, it is essential that we consider the reasons for the growth in obesity among both youngsters and grown-ups. This
naturally
leads us to the question of how should societies treat the
people
who faced the problem of fatness. In this essay, I will explore the reasons for the situation in question, and try to find out the methods that can
be applied
to
reduce
corpulence among the
people
.

To
begin
with, obesity may
be viewed
as a consequence of a better quality of life. Nowadays, workers earn more money and can afford eating food in the desirable amounts. This is not a problem as long as they are
physically
active.
For instance
, the US soldiers are keen eaters
but
their work requires
a lot of
energy
thus
reducing the
risk
of becoming burly.
Therefore
, the
first
step to avoid portliness is to do as
many
physical activities as you can or
simply
walk about five
kilometres
a day.

Another common reason of why
people
get
stout is the quality of food they consume. It is obvious that humans prefer nutrient products, which
often
contain insane amounts of
fat
. I believe that most of us
have to
change
the diet by including more fruits and vegetables into it and replacing meat with fish, which is more contributing to our health.

Many
scientists believe that
stress
can
also
cause the wish of devouring more products,
especially
bakery and sweets. This
mainly
concerns women
rather
than
men
. To avoid this, those who
are exposed
to
stress
must
find other ways of coping with it. They can relax their nerves by going in for sports, such as swimming and running.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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