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All over the world people spend more time on sports and exercises these days. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? Give your opinion with supporting examples from your own experience. v.2

All over the world people spend more time on sports and exercises these days. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? Give your opinion with supporting examples from your own experience. v. 2
Nowadays, plenty of time is spent on exercising and doing sports by humans across the world. In my opinion, putting more effort in physical activities has many advantages. However, there are some negative impacts as a result of this trend. First of all, boosting the immune system is a significant advantage due to exercising. This means that their body creates a barrier for viruses and bacteria, making them healthier compared to individuals who do not involve themselves in any kind of sport. Secondly, exercising regularly not only keeps the body in shape, but also brings more attracted towards the people. It is clearly known that men or women carrying toned muscles, are more noticeable during summer time. For example, a close friend of mine is a personal trainer and is known to make a lot of new friends, when he goes to the beach. Thirdly, daily exercises help people feel better mentally and relieved from stresses. This may lead to building more self confidence and developing better attitude. On the other hand, exercising and doing sports surely have some serious drawbacks as well. One of the major concerns is that, athletes or even beginners can get severe injuries during this period. For instance, the German player David Bust broke his leg during a match, which resulted in a career-ending injury and forcing him to leave football forever. The second disadvantage is that, spending abundant time on sports or different activities may lead to neglecting other duties. Children who exercise a lot throughout the day seem to not care about their homework. In conclusion, there are more positives in spending time for exercising, as it plays a huge role in keeping the body fit and not being exposed to different illnesses. Moreover, it helps the people boost their self-esteem and relieve the stresses of the day. However, there is a high possibility of conceding long-time injuries while exercising. Added to that, dedicating the whole time to sports, leads in not completing other daily tasks.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by humans across the world. In my opinion, putting more effort in physical activities has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts
as a result
of this trend.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, boosting the immune system is a significant advantage due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
. This means that their body creates a barrier for viruses and bacteria, making them healthier compared to individuals who do not involve themselves in any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
regularly
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the body in shape,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
brings more attracted towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It is
clearly
known that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
or women carrying toned muscles, are more noticeable during summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, a close friend of mine is a personal trainer and
is known
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new friends, when he goes to the beach.
Thirdly
, daily exercises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel better mentally and relieved from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
. This may lead to building more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
and developing better attitude.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
surely
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious drawbacks
as well
. One of the major concerns is that, athletes or even beginners can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
severe injuries during this period.
For instance
, the German player David Bust broke his leg during a match, which resulted in a career-ending injury and forcing him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
football forever. The second disadvantage is that, spending abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities may lead to neglecting other duties. Children who exercise a lot throughout the day seem to not care about their homework.

In conclusion
, there are more positives in spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
, as it plays a huge role in keeping the body fit and not
being exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
illnesses.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
boost their self-esteem and relieve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
of the day.
However
, there is a high possibility of conceding long-time injuries while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Added
to that, dedicating the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, leads in not completing other daily tasks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay All over the world people spend more time on sports and exercises these days. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? Give your opinion with supporting examples from your own experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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