Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

All education, primary, secondary and further education should be free to all people and paid for by the government. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

All education, primary, secondary and further education should be free to all people and paid for by the government. v. 1
Being happy is described as a feeling of enjoyment and pleasure. While some people consider money to be one of the key contributors to pleasure, I do not agree with them. In my view, there are several other important ingredients to a prosperous and healthy life. This essay discusses some of them in detail. First and foremost, it is believed that the most crucial source of enjoyment is companionship. Mankind revels in the company of friends and family. To illustrate this, a group of students from Columbia University did a survey in which they asked people to rate their level of happiness on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest state of happiness. About 90% of people living with their friends or family gave themselves 7 or more on this index. In contrast, only 12 % of people residing alone gave themselves a similar score. Thus, clearly proving the importance of companionship to the sense of enjoyment. Secondly, a blissful life resides in a healthy body. In the same study it was observed that the humans who exercise at least 3-4 times a week are twice as happier in comparison to those who do not exercise at all. Furthermore, humankind also derives joy from their work, jobs, hobbies etc. About 25% of the people who rated their happiness index to be higher than 7 derived it from their job satisfaction. To conclude, in my opinion, there is a plethora of reasons which help humans to feel happy. Indubitably, money is one of them, but certainly, it is not a critical reason to propel a happy life.
Being happy is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
as a feeling of enjoyment and pleasure. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider money to be one of the key contributors to pleasure, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them. In my view, there are several other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ingredients to a prosperous and healthy life. This essay discusses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them in detail.

First
and foremost, it
is believed
that the most crucial source of enjoyment is companionship. Mankind revels in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of friends and family. To illustrate this, a group of students from Columbia University did a survey in which they asked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to rate their level of happiness on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest state of happiness. About 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living with their friends or family gave themselves 7 or more on this index.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
12 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing alone gave themselves a similar score.
Thus
,
clearly
proving the importance of companionship to the sense of enjoyment.

Secondly
, a blissful life resides in a healthy body. In the same study it
was observed
that the humans who exercise at least 3-4 times a week are twice as happier
in comparison
to those who do not exercise at all.
Furthermore
, humankind
also
derives joy from their work, jobs, hobbies etc. About 25% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rated their happiness index to be higher than 7 derived it from their job satisfaction.

To conclude
, in my opinion, there is a plethora of reasons which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
humans to feel happy.
Indubitably
, money is one of them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
certainly
, it is not a critical reason to propel a happy life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay All education, primary, secondary and further education should be free to all people and paid for by the government. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts