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All children should learn to speak a foreign language as soon as they start school. How far do you agree with this proposal? how important is it for a child to learn a foreign language? v.3

All children should learn to speak a foreign language as soon as they start school. How far do you agree with this proposal? how important is it for a child to learn a foreign language? v. 3
Learning languages are becoming part and parcel of the everyday life; however, many people think that this should be started at the initial stages of schooling. In my opinion, I consider this education would bring more benefits to children. Children of present generation require to learn at least one international language which is extremely important because of the spread globalisation in the various aspects of the life. In other words, those who are multi- linguistic can have better future prospects than one who knows only mother tongue. Due to globalization, even, workers of regional companies may need to communicate with international customers, for which this language study would be useful. By contrast, lack of knowledge of a foreign language may prevent youngsters from securing well paid jobs in reputed companies. The proposal of teaching young children an international language is beneficial; therefore, I strongly support this statement. Firstly, children's brain is receptive in nature, which means it is the best time to teach languages compared to older children. As these children's language ability do not developed in the advance level, they may not be influenced by mother tongue when they start learning a new language. A recent research, for instance, has shown that, small children have better linguistic abilities than older children. Having taught languages at the beginning stage of the schooling, these students become more employable than others. By way of conclusion, learning how to speak a foreign language is essential for the current generation to meet their future requirements, so I again reaffirm that, I strongly support the proposed initiatives as this has many long term positives to the children's life.
Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are becoming part and parcel of the everyday life;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at the initial stages of schooling. In my opinion, I consider this education would bring more benefits to children.

Children of present generation require
Did you mean "learning"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to learn
at least one international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
which is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the spread
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
in the various aspects of the life.
In other words
, those who are multi- linguistic can have better future prospects than one who knows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mother tongue. Due to
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalization' and 'globalisation') within a single text.
globalization
, even, workers of regional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may need to communicate with international customers, for which this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
study would be useful. By contrast, lack of knowledge of a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
youngsters from securing well paid jobs in reputed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

The proposal of teaching young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is beneficial;
therefore
, I
strongly
support this statement.
Firstly
, children's brain is receptive in nature, which means it is the best time to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
compared to older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As these children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
ability do not developed in the advance level, they may not
be influenced
by mother tongue when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. A recent research,
for instance
, has shown that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have better linguistic abilities than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Having taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
at the beginning stage of the schooling, these students become more employable than others.

By way of conclusion, learning how to speak a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is essential for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their future requirements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I again reaffirm that, I
strongly
support the proposed initiatives as this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
long term positives to the children's life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay All children should learn to speak a foreign language as soon as they start school. How far do you agree with this proposal? how important is it for a child to learn a foreign language? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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