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All children should learn a second language at school. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

All children should learn a second language at school. v. 1
Nowadays, it is argued that school children ought to be taught a second language. As far as I am concerned, in the modern world of technology, it is highly important for school staff to include a second language in their curriculum for several reasons such as improving children’s communication with international community and enhancing their awareness of different cultures. In the first place, knowing a second language such as English can enable pupils to broaden their interaction with the so called global village via Internet. By this I mean, they can have access to social networking sites, make new friends on Facebook or Instagram, and share their projects with their pen-pals. When I was a 17-year-old school boy, my history teacher asked me to prepare a lecture about the French revolution. Immediately, on Yahoo Messenger, I found a French boy my age who was able to speak English. He helped me a lot and I was praised for my presentation by my teacher. In the second place, by studying a second language, children can acquire a deeper understanding of the world in general and of their own language and culture in particular. In fact, language is a part of a broad platform called culture. When people get familiar with a new language, they get familiar with people, customs and traditions of that country. Consequently, they are more flexible and tolerant because they will know that every nation has its own beliefs. To sum up, teaching a new language at school is very essential since it can elevate students’ personal abilities such as social relationship and their understanding of the world.
Nowadays, it
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children ought to
be taught
a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. As far as I
am concerned
, in the modern world of technology, it is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
staff to include a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in their curriculum for several reasons such as improving children’s communication with international community and enhancing their awareness of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures.

In the
first
place, knowing a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
such as English can enable pupils to broaden their interaction with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
called global village via Internet. By this I mean, they can have access to social networking sites,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends on Facebook or Instagram, and share their projects with their pen-pals. When I was a 17-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
boy, my history teacher asked me to prepare a lecture about the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
French revolution
. Immediately, on Yahoo Messenger, I found a French boy my age who was able to speak English. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lot and
I
was praised
for my presentation by my teacher.

In the second place, by studying a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, children can acquire a deeper understanding of the world
in general
and of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and culture
in particular
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is a part of a broad platform called culture. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, customs and traditions of that country.
Consequently
, they are more flexible and tolerant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will know that every nation has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
beliefs.

To sum up, teaching a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential since it can elevate students’ personal abilities such as social relationship and their understanding of the world.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay All children should learn a second language at school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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