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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.16

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 16
Poverty is becoming an increasingly heated global issue facing both individuals and nations. Although it's believed that wealthy countries usually help poorer ones by giving them money, the problem is not yet solved. Therefore, other forms of help should be tried as well as financial support. This essay will argue why this is ultimately accurate. Despite being a developed country can make it harder to sacrifice some of the resources, our human nature always can't ignore the necessity to share these resources with financially struggling countries. Because it's not easy to disregard that some parts of the world are suffering from misery each day while we live gracefully. For instance, billions are donated from America each year to developing continents to boost their economy and their standard of living. It's for these reasons, Money is being donated from luxurious parts of the world to those who don't have a decent financial base. In addition, many other types of donations could also be provided to poor areas in the world. Because the problem is not always with cash. For example, lack of proper medical care and starvation are the most common causes of deaths in Africa. Consequently, it would be a good idea to focus on these kinds of issues. In other words, medications and food are also important and can save lives too instead of just sending millions across the universe or whatsoever. In conclusion, it's logical that economically stable nations would endeavour the same approach with those countries who suffer from poverty, however; there are many other approaches that could be attempted to give a hand. This essay argued how this is totally acceptable to believe. In my opinion, i totally agree to the fact that money is not the only solution that could be provided from these countries who have it to those who don't.
Poverty is becoming an
increasingly
heated global issue facing both individuals and nations. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
believed that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poorer ones by giving them money, the problem is not
yet
solved.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
forms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
should
be tried
as well
as financial support. This essay will argue why this is
ultimately
accurate.

Despite being a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it harder to sacrifice
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
resources, our human nature always can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the necessity to share these resources with
financially
struggling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
not easy to disregard that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world are suffering from misery each day while we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
gracefully
.
For instance
, billions
are donated
from America each year to developing continents to boost their economy and their standard of living.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
for these reasons, Money is
being donated
from luxurious parts of the world to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don't have a decent financial base.

In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of donations could
also
be provided
to poor areas in the world.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the problem is not always with cash.
For example
, lack of proper medical care and starvation are the most common causes of deaths in Africa.
Consequently
, it would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to focus on these kinds of issues. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, medications and food are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and can save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
too
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sending millions across the universe or whatsoever.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
logical that
economically
stable nations would
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
the same approach with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
suffer from poverty,
however
; there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
approaches that could
be attempted
to give a hand. This essay argued how this is
totally
acceptable to believe. In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the fact that money is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution that could
be provided
from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have it to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don't.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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