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Agree or disagree? Freindship is waste of time and we have to spend our time on sth valuable. v.2

Agree or disagree? Freindship is waste of time and we have to spend our time on sth valuable. v. 2
Friendship is a word but nobody can describe it. From the date of birth until the date of death we need friends and friendships. Why is it so important? Why cannot we survive without friends? Maybe because that we need to trust somebody and confide with him/her. Human needs to get along with people who are similar to him and can understand him. The crucial question is that which friend is better? Old one or new one? In my view, we have to keep our old friends and after sometimes gradually increase the circle of our friendships. First of all, one of the reasons we are seeking friends is confidence. All of us confront difficult situations and may have some secrets that do not want share with anybody except trustworthy people. For example, at school when we got bad scores, we were ashamed and could not talk with our parents or all of our classmates. So we talked with our close friends to feel better and they tried to calm us down. Without real friendships, we could not tolerate hardships and we could be depressed. Moreover, we can hang out with our close friends due to similar interests and favorites which has positive effects on mental health. For instance, a recent study at Harvard University shows that sociable people are at lower risk of suffering from depression and anxiety compared to dissociable people. Scientists explain that in speaking process we reduce our stress which is very useful for our heart. Therefore, talkative women show lower rate of heart diseases than silent men. This study confirms that a good friendship can help you feel healthy. Furthermore, some assert that friendship is not something more than wasting time. Human should spend their time on valuable works and hobbies like reading some books or going to the gym. I believe that a good friend would motivate you to participate in sport activities and both of you can join to your neighborhood library. Although there are some bad friends, reliable friends can push you to improve your abilities and strengthen your strong points of personality. To wrap up, friendship is more important than everything in the world and in my opinion it is very venerable. We should be surrounded with worthy friends and keep this relationship pure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Friendship
is a word
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nobody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
it. From the date of birth until the date of death we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendships
. Why is it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
? Why cannot we survive without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
? Maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that we need to trust somebody and confide with him/her. Human needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are similar to him and can understand him. The crucial question is that which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
is better?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
one or new one? In my view, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
gradually
increase the circle of our friendships.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one of the reasons we are seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is confidence. All of us confront difficult situations and may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
secrets that do not want share with anybody except trustworthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, at school when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
scores, we
were ashamed
and could not talk with our parents or all of our classmates.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we talked with our close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to feel
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
better and
they tried to calm us down. Without real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendships
, we could not tolerate
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hardships and
we could
be depressed
.

Moreover
, we can hang out with our close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
due to similar interests and favorites which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on mental health.
For instance
, a recent study at Harvard University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that sociable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are at lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of suffering from depression and anxiety compared to
Possible spelling mistake found.
dissociable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that in speaking process we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for our heart.
Therefore
, talkative women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
lower rate of heart diseases than silent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. This study confirms that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you feel healthy.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
is not something more than wasting time. Human should spend their time on valuable works and hobbies like reading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
books or going to the gym. I believe that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
would motivate you to participate in sport activities and both of you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
to your neighborhood library. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can push you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your abilities and strengthen your strong points of personality.

To wrap up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than everything in the world and in my opinion it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
venerable. We should
be surrounded
with worthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
this relationship pure.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Agree or disagree? Freindship is waste of time and we have to spend our time on sth valuable. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
383 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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