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Nowadays many parents are sending their kids abroad to acquire good education. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of this trend. Give your own opinion. v.2

Nowadays many parents are sending their kids abroad to acquire good education. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of this trend. Give your own opinion. v. 2
In today' s time, education plays a crucial role in making fulcrum of children, which makes them capable to pass through any ordeal and to get success conveniently. Therefore, mostly parents are sending their children for study in abroad as a trip for making them more competent and responsible. Now, I am going to highlight some advantages and disadvantages of this trend. To begin with, Children are the tender buds of society who need proper education and guidance to cope with various adversities, and further convert them into success. Furthermore, opportunity to study abroad as a trip may bring manifold advantages in children' s life. Firstly, International exposure can make children more confident because they acquire many skills such as way of talking, sense of responsibility and many more, which can never learn by books. Secondly, Children can get an experience and knowledge of various cultures, traditions, innovative thoughts and so on, which again help them in their intellectual and personality development. However, there are few disadvantages which associate with study in abroad for children. First and foremost, children remain in the learning stage and sometimes, they forget their own cultures and values thus they give more importance to foreign culture, which is again alarming. Another point is that sending children in abroad may result huge burden on them as a result they may come under pressure, which is not beneficial for both physical and mental growth. For instance, It has been found that due to study pressure, children face many problems which make them more lethargic and cynical. In conclusion, I opine that exposure of new things are beneficial for children, but children should never forget their own values.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s time, education plays a crucial role in making fulcrum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them capable to pass through any ordeal and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success
conveniently
.
Therefore
,
mostly
parents are sending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
as a trip for making them more competent and responsible.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I am going to highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the tender buds of society who need proper education and guidance to cope with various adversities, and
further
convert them into success.
Furthermore
, opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
as a trip may bring manifold advantages in
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s life.
Firstly
, International exposure can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as way of talking, sense of responsibility and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, which can never learn by books.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an experience and knowledge of various cultures, traditions, innovative thoughts and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which again
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their intellectual and personality development.

However
, there are few disadvantages which associate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
remain in the learning stage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they forget their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultures and values
thus
they give more importance to foreign culture, which is again alarming. Another point is that sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
may result huge burden on them
as a result
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
under pressure, which is not beneficial for both physical and mental growth.
For instance
, It has
been found
that due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
pressure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more lethargic and cynical.

In conclusion
, I opine that exposure of new things are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should never forget their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
values.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many parents are sending their kids abroad to acquire good education. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of this trend. Give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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