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Agree or disagree: In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

Agree or disagree: In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
In the past time, children were extremely depended on their family, and all their decisions about everything such as marriage, working and so on were participated by their parents. However, time and people change a lot and children realize that it is their right to make their own decisions. In this following essay, I will concur with this idea. First, by changing the lifestyles and technology, people become opened minder, so they make their own decisions. This technology enhances the knowledge of people even children and provides access to communicate with others. Children can search for their problems on websites or talk about their situation with others who had this situation too had been in the same position, and use expertise' s experience. Second, children have a better education than their parents, so it makes that children use their minds or other people that have better information about whatever they want. Some parents do not have an updated idea or perspective of subjects, and they think in the way of past time. Also, there is a wide gap between children' s and parents' tendencies. So children cannot rely on their parents and just try to ask others who have the same opinion. For example, my friend wanted to open his store to sell clothes and stuff like this. However, his father disagreed with his idea and did not let him open his store because of his father afraid to be failed. Finally, my friend talked to one of the hypermarket' s managers, ; therefore; , he used their experience to have a better chance. In conclusion, because of technology and different tendency between parents and children, children make their own decisions and sometimes use their parents' experience.
In the
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were
extremely
depended on their family, and all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
about everything such as marriage, working and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
were participated
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a lot and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
realize that it is their right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. In this following essay, I will concur with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

First
, by changing the lifestyles and technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become opened minder,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. This technology enhances the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and provides access to communicate with others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can search for their problems on websites or talk about their situation with others who had this situation too had been in the same position, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
expertise&
#039; s experience.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a better education than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their minds or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have better information about whatever they want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have an updated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
or perspective of subjects, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in the way of
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
.
Also
, there is a wide gap between
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s and
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; tendencies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
try to ask others who have the same opinion.
For example
, my friend wanted to open his store to sell clothes and stuff like this.
However
, his father disagreed with his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him open his store
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his father afraid to
be failed
.
Finally
, my friend talked to one of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
hypermarket&
#039; s managers, ;
therefore
;
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their experience to have a better chance.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technology and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tendency between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; experience.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or disagree: In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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