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Agree or disagree, computer games playing could waste times and we should prevent children from play it. v.1

Agree or disagree, computer games playing could waste times and we should prevent children from play it. v. 1
In recently, the phenomenon that people tend to choose consuming foods, meats or fruits, that produced from different countries rather than local foods has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although, the trend appears very attractive, the downsides will be far more significant. On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why people like to consume imported foods. First, since free trade between countries has been developing, people have opportunities to try a variety of delicious and nutritious foods that cannot grow in local. In fact, in Vietnam that a tropical country, a number of consuming fruits from temperate regions, such as blueberry and strawberry, have been significantly increased in the recent years as these fruits can not grow in the local. Second, by importing these foods in the country, citizens have more options for their meal as well as their healthy balance. For example, instead of choosing foods from locals that low diversity and not enough nutritious, people can choose between imported foods and local ones and give a suitable healthy balance On the other hand, imported foods may bring some harmful to local agriculture. First, if the trend of consuming imported foods increase, this has an impact on an income of local farmers. In fact, due to the low consumption of local foods that produced by farmers, they have not revenue enough to pay their standard of living as well as to re-invest in the next season. Second, consuming more foreign fruits will come at the expense of unemployment. For example, since Vietnam agriculture is still following a traditional method that require a myriad of employees, the leasing market for imported foods means that reducing the production which a number of employees must to be fired. In conclusion, although the trend of consuming imported foods is increasing quickly, local citizens should consider both imported and local foods to make their diversity meal.
In recently, the phenomenon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to consume".
consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, meats or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
, that produced from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
has been receiving a great deal of public attention.

Although, the trend appears
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive, the downsides will be far more significant.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
foods.

First
, since free trade between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has been developing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have opportunities to try a variety of delicious and nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that cannot grow in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
. In fact, in Vietnam that a tropical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, a number of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
from temperate regions, such as blueberry and strawberry, have been
significantly
increased in the recent years as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
can not grow in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
. Second, by importing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, citizens have more options for their meal
as well
as their healthy balance.
For example
,
instead
of choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
that low diversity and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
nutritious,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can choose between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
ones and give a suitable healthy
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
balance


On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
agriculture.

First
, if the trend of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
increase, this has an impact on an income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
farmers. In fact, due to the low consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that produced by farmers, they have not revenue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to pay their standard of living
as well
as to re-invest in the
next
season. Second, consuming more foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at the expense of unemployment.
For example
, since Vietnam agriculture is
still
following a traditional method that require a myriad of employees, the leasing market for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
means that reducing the production which a number of employees
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
be fired
.

In conclusion
, although the trend of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is increasing
quickly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens should consider both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imported
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their diversity meal.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or disagree, computer games playing could waste times and we should prevent children from play it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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