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agree or disagree/ parents should involve in the process of helping their children to choose a university v.1

agree or disagree/ parents should involve in the process of helping their children to choose a university v. 1
The number of destitute is rising in many important cities around the world. But we can do some task to stop this growth and solve this problem as soon as we can The main cause of homelessness is the cost of accommodation. Nowadays, if someone wants to buy a home or flat she or he needs to pay a lot of money to buy each of them. A person or family save their money for many years, but the cost of houses is increasing every day because of inflation and they can cope with buying a place. One solution is to subside accommodation for people. Also, the Government can do it and provide cheaper homes for poor people. On the other hand, the government can build asylum in the city and announce to destitute to go there at night. Another reason for the growth of homelessness is the shortage of land to build cheap homes. Important cities are spreading every day and population of them is rising so they need homes and facilities like playground, hospitals, groceries, etc. So the lands of around them are grabbed and there isn’t any free space around them. Cities can tackle this problem by building more tower blocks with flats. This task makes that building occupy less area and more persons can live within a specified land. Moreover, the price of flats, reduces and more people can buy these places. Finally, governments and people can overcome this difficulty by some solutions, but it’s needed to do these works soon. Because this issue harms our city and society. At first, the government should cost a lot of money to handle this dilemma, but it’s worthwhile for the country and people in the following.
The number of destitute is rising in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
task to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this growth and solve this problem as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as we can

The main cause of homelessness is the cost of accommodation. Nowadays, if someone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a home or flat she or he needs to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
each of them. A person or family save their money for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the cost of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
is increasing every day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
inflation and
they can cope with buying a place. One solution is to subside accommodation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can do it and provide cheaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can build asylum in the city and announce
Did you mean "too destitute to"?
to destitute to
go there at night.

Another reason for the growth of homelessness is the shortage of land to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are spreading every day and population of them is rising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and facilities like playground, hospitals, groceries, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the lands of around them
are grabbed
and there isn’t any free space around them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cities
can tackle this problem by building more tower blocks with flats. This task
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
that building occupy less area and more persons can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
within a specified land.
Moreover
, the price of flats,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these places.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can overcome this difficulty by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s needed to do these works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this issue harms our city and society. At
first
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to handle this dilemma,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s worthwhile for the country and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the following.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay agree or disagree/ parents should involve in the process of helping their children to choose a university v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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