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Some students prefer to study with groups, others prefer to study by themselves. Which one do you prefer, provide reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Some students prefer to study with groups, others prefer to study by themselves. Which one do you prefer, provide reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
With the proliferation of technology, the heritage of a country can only be preserved with its art and culture. Though many people have lost interest and love in the art, there is a plethora of artists who have dedicated their lives to protect the legacy. Some people believe that artists do not earn enough and should receive stipends from the government but I disagree with this statement as they already receive monetary funds from various non-profit organisations. Creative minds, nowadays, receive a lot of help from the companies which believe in preserving heritage and culture. These volunteers provide support to the artists who are gifted with the talent of craft. They even provide them with career opportunities and publicise their work globally to get them recognized. Such organisations like the Artist Supporters in India offer financial help to such people to continue their pursuit of art. Consequently, the state need not provide extra help to them. The government, on the other hand, can use this money to spend on the health and welfare of the society. There are other primary concerns which hold more value for a nation which the officials need to cope with, including the food, healthcare, education and policing. The creations and marvels can attract a variety of tourists, but, the focus of a nation should be to provide the basic amenities to its citizens including food, employment and shelter. To conclude, there is no need for the government to support the artists financially any longer because there are many art loving organisations which support them. Instead, these funds could be utilised to build infrastructure and upgrade the living standards of the nation.
With the proliferation of technology, the heritage of a country can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be preserved
with its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and culture. Though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have lost interest and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, there is a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who have dedicated their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to protect the legacy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
do not earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and should receive stipends from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I disagree with this statement as they already receive monetary funds from various non-profit
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.

Creative minds, nowadays, receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which believe in preserving heritage and culture. These volunteers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
support to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who
are gifted
with the talent of craft. They even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
them with career opportunities and
Possible spelling mistake. 'publicise' is British English.
publicise
their work globally to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them recognized. Such
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artist
Supporters in India offer financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to continue their pursuit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Consequently
, the state need not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to them.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
on the other hand
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this money to spend on the health and welfare of the society. There are other primary concerns which hold more value for a nation which the officials need to cope with, including the food, healthcare, education and policing. The creations and marvels can attract a variety of tourists,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the focus of a nation should be to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the basic amenities to its citizens including food, employment and shelter.

To conclude
, there is no need for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
financially
any longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
loving
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
which support them.
Instead
, these funds could be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
to build infrastructure and upgrade the living standards of the nation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students prefer to study with groups, others prefer to study by themselves. Which one do you prefer, provide reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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