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Advertising is influencing people more and more. Is this a positive or a negative trend? Give your own opinion and examples v.12

Advertising is influencing people more and more. Is this a positive or a negative trend? Give your own opinion and examples v. 12
Advertisement plays a crucial role in our daily life and decision. Influences of advertisement in people life become a controversial debate. There are many debating about negative and positive impacts of it. some people think it is a positive trend while others swear by negative trends that is partly because of they believe advertiser’s owners try to manipulate people’ distinguishing by giving them exaggerated information. The best example for this is kids who cannot discriminate the advertising tricks and oblige their parent to buy useless stuffs. Also, it should be noted that the issue can go beyond can causes serious problems. In some case, they use beautiful models to present their cosmetic which mislead the viewers that their aesthetics is due to make up materials. In spite of all possible disadvantages of advertisement, it has many merits for people who would like to buy stuffs and inform them about their choices in the topical markets which allowing them to gain access to large reservoirs of information. It is no wonder why advertisement is introduced as a modern business since the studies reveal that it reduces the unemployment all around the world to the halve. Apart from that, it is considered as an entertainment and informer among people who seek new updates of technology and new stuffs. To wrap it up, it gives me the sense that debates do not lead anywhere fruitful. As I mention before people are split on this opinion, since, both, together would have their logical reasons and it will be exceedingly hard to deny one side but in my opinion, advertisement is a handy tool which can made people life better if government resolute strict rules for every advertisement which is displayed for children and sets fines for owner of exaggerated advertisement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisement
plays a crucial role in our daily life and decision. Influences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life become a controversial debate. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
debating about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend while others swear by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trends
that is
partly
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
believe advertiser’s owners try to manipulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
distinguishing by giving them exaggerated information. The best example for this is kids who cannot discriminate the advertising tricks and oblige their parent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
useless stuffs.
Also
, it should
be noted
that the issue can go beyond can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "cause"
causes
serious problems. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
models to present their cosmetic which mislead the viewers that their aesthetics is due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up materials.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
all possible disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
stuffs and inform them about their choices in the topical markets which allowing them to gain access to large reservoirs of information. It is no wonder why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is introduced
as a modern business since the studies reveal that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the unemployment all around the world to the
The word "the" is a verb. Did you mean "half"?
halve
. Apart from that, it
is considered
as an entertainment and informer among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who seek new updates of technology and new stuffs.

To wrap it up, it gives me the sense that debates do not lead anywhere fruitful. As I mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are split
on this opinion, since, both, together would have their logical reasons and it will be
exceedingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to deny one side
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is a handy tool which can made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life better if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
resolute strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
which
is displayed
for children and sets fines for owner of exaggerated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Advertising is influencing people more and more. Is this a positive or a negative trend? Give your own opinion and examples v. 12

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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