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Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. v.3

Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. v. 3
Each country has its own culture and traditions. In favour of luring a maximum number of customers, companies often use attractive advertisements that cope with the local culture and trends. I personally believe that an effective commercial is the one that addresses national interests and reflects as well people's inclinations and country's image in general. Over the last few decades, marketing has acquired the momentum to reach larger patterns of potential consumers. However, marketing campaigns may not be fruitful in terms of sales if advertisements, the most powerful mean of marketing, don't consider the way how people live, thus coping with their traditions. For instance, in India, you will find billboards figuring commercials about cloth washing hand soap much more than those of washing machine's soap, which indicates that most of the people are still washing their clothes by hand thus the percentage of poor people in the country is still very high. Moreover, advertisements incarnate the economic situation in a country like banks commercials about car loans in countries where people cannot afford to pay a considerable amount of money at once. Ethics in certain countries can also be embodied in some advertisements which, for example, encourage citizens to vote for new laws against women's abuse; this indicates the high rate of relative crimes in this country. Additionally, advertising generally resumes the extent of development in a country. Companies and merchants should efficiently and diligently react to the changing and cutting-edge needs of their markets. For instance, you find commercials about windows operating system for personal computers in developing countries, while in industrialised countries you are eye-bombarded by advertisements about cloud computing. In a nutshell, it has been proved that marketing should talk the same language as potential clients, and should ultimately evolve with their changing needs. For that main reason, companies make always sure to offer advertisements that reflect market's interests and updated needs. Thus advertisements in a country may provide one of the most realistic images of this country.
Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and traditions. In
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of luring a maximum number of customers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that cope with the local culture and trends. I
personally
believe that an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
is the one that addresses national interests and reflects
as well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's inclinations and country's image
in general
.

Over the last few decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
has acquired the momentum to reach larger patterns of potential consumers.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
campaigns may not be fruitful in terms of sales if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, the most powerful mean of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
, don't consider the way how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
thus
coping with their traditions.
For instance
, in India, you will find billboards figuring commercials about cloth washing hand soap much more than those of washing machine's soap, which indicates that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
washing their clothes by hand
thus
the percentage of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
incarnate the economic situation in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like banks commercials about car loans in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford to pay a considerable amount of money at once. Ethics in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
also
be embodied
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which,
for example
, encourage citizens to vote for new laws against women's abuse; this indicates the high rate of relative crimes in this country.

Additionally
, advertising
generally
resumes the extent of development in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
and merchants should
efficiently
and
diligently
react to the changing and cutting-edge needs of their markets.
For instance
, you find commercials about windows operating system for personal computers in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, while in
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
you are eye-bombarded by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
about cloud computing.

In a nutshell, it has
been proved
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
should talk the same language as potential clients, and should
ultimately
evolve with their changing needs. For that main reason,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
The adverb 'always' is usually put before the verb 'make'.
make always
sure to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that reflect market's interests and updated needs.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may provide one of the most realistic images of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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