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Space exploration requires vast sums of money. Is the amount of money spent on space research justifiable? Could the money be better spent? v.2

Space exploration requires vast sums of money. Is the amount of money spent on space research justifiable? Could the money be better spent? v. 2
We all know that there is no perfect country in this world of ours. People face death through starvation every day due to the lack of money to buy food and other necessities, such as medication. Sometimes, there is a scarcity of these resources even if money is available. In my view, it is wrong for governments to spend enormous funds on their space exploration and astrophysics programs when there are poor people who are hungry and sick in their various countries. I believe that governments should make it a priority to spend money on providing the basic needs of people here on Earth before they use it for research towards exploring other planets. First of all, regardless of what country they may happen to live in - all people require food, clean water/sanitation, shelter and medication to protect themselves from viruses and bacterial infections. Apart from these most basic and fundamental requirements, people also need a good education so that they can find stable jobs in order to support themselves and their families. Instead of allocating additional funding for space exploration, governments should realise the importance of maintaining a healthy populace. For example, the USA has spent more than 23 billion dollars in the last 30 years on research, rather than spending it on the basic needs of its citizens. Moreover, in America, there are over 6 million homeless people and more than 2 million others who have lost their houses because of foreclosure. Also, there are more than 5 million people who are HIV-positive and in need of treatment. If the U. S. Government would decide to spend an equal amount of money on medical research as it does on its space program, then scientists might be able to find better treatments for this devastating disease so that many lives could be saved. Secondly, many people in Africa have a lack of food, clean water and electricity. I believe that we have a moral and ethical duty to help Africa and other poor countries around the world. It is worthier to help those who share our own planet before we travel to the moon. As for myself, I did my pharmacy internship in Egypt, where I witnessed many examples of why it would be wise for the government to spend more money in the area of medical / pharmaceutical research. Many people there face pain and death every day because of the Hepatitis C Virus. This insidious virus is responsible for causing the deaths of more than 1 million people in Africa each year. The cost of medication to treat it is very high -- approximately 20, 000 dollars per patient. On the other hand, Egypt has spent more than 200 million dollars on space exploration and researching other planets. I think that it would have been a much smarter choice for them to have used the money to provide medication for those who could not afford it. In summary, it is my viewpoint that governments should concentrate on solving their own internal problems by offering their citizens the basic requirements of life such as food, clean water/sanitation, shelter and medication. They should use any excess money for improving the lives of their inhabitants by providing them with educational opportunities so that they can find decent jobs in order to become independent. It is important to fund academic pursuits such as space exploration and research in the field of Astrophysics, of course, but not at the expense of the lives of human beings who live on this planet.
We all know that there is no perfect country in this world of ours.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
face death through starvation every day due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
necessities, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medication
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, there is a scarcity of these resources even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is available. In my view, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
enormous funds on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
and astrophysics programs when there are poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are hungry and sick in their various countries.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
here on Earth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
towards exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, regardless of what country they may happen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, clean water/sanitation, shelter and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medication
to protect themselves from viruses and bacterial infections. Apart from these most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
and fundamental requirements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can find stable jobs in order to support themselves and their families.
Instead
of allocating additional funding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the importance of maintaining a healthy populace.
For example
, the USA has spent more than 23 billion dollars in the last 30 years on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
,
rather
than spending it on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of its citizens.
Moreover
, in America, there are over 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and more than 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of foreclosure.
Also
, there are more than 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are HIV-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of treatment. If the U. S.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
would decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
an equal amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
as it does on its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
program, then scientists might be able to find better treatments for this devastating disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
could
be saved
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Africa have a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, clean water and electricity. I believe that we have a moral and ethical duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Africa and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
poor countries around the world. It is worthier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
share our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we travel to the moon. As for myself, I did my pharmacy internship in Egypt, where I witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of why it would be wise for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the area of medical / pharmaceutical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there face pain and death every day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the Hepatitis C Virus. This insidious virus is responsible for causing the deaths of more than 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Africa each year. The cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medication
to treat it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high -- approximately 20, 000 dollars per patient. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, Egypt has spent more than 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
dollars on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
and researching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would have been a much smarter choice for them to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medication
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
could not afford it.

In summary, it is my viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should concentrate on solving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
internal problems by offering their citizens the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
requirements of life such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, clean water/sanitation, shelter and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medication
. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of their inhabitants by providing them with educational opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can find decent jobs in order to become independent. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to fund academic pursuits such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in the field of Astrophysics,
of course
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at the expense of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of human beings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
83Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Space exploration requires vast sums of money. Is the amount of money spent on space research justifiable? Could the money be better spent? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
590 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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