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Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. v.1

Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. v. 1
Every country has its own culture and traditions. There is no doubt that an advertising campaign conducted in Russia will not have the same effect here in the United States. Let us take for example advertisement of food and restaurants. A large number of fast food stands suggests their services for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper here in Houston. The competition is very strong. Every week you get in your mailbox an envelope with different types of discounts in exchange for visiting them or ordering pizza. Watching TV you are also from time to time invited to visit a restaurant in order to taste some delicious food. It is not because it is easy to make money cooking but because the demand for such service is high. First of all, people like to go out sometimes to have dinner with friends. Second of all, it is often impossible to drive home for lunch. It can be time-consuming. As for Russia, it is a great tradition to have dinner at home with the family and go to the restaurant for big holidays. Additionally, fast food is not popular in Russia. So you will see advertisements of the yogurt, coffee, dairy products and juice instead of restaurants and fast food stands. In conclusion, I would like to add that in order to succeed in advertising campaign especially on the international market company must know traditions, language and history of the country.
Every country has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and traditions. There is no doubt that an advertising campaign conducted in Russia will not have the same effect here in the United States.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us take
for example
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and restaurants.

Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stands suggests their services for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper here in Houston. The competition is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong. Every week you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in your mailbox an envelope with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of discounts in exchange for visiting them or ordering pizza. Watching TV you are
also
from time to time invited to visit a restaurant in order to taste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
delicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money cooking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the demand for such service is high.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to go out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to have dinner with friends. Second of all, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
impossible to drive home for lunch. It can be time-consuming.

As for Russia, it is a great tradition to have dinner at home with the family and go to the restaurant for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
holidays.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not popular in Russia.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
advertisements of the yogurt, coffee, dairy products and juice
instead
of restaurants and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stands.

In conclusion
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
that in order to succeed in advertising campaign
especially
on the international market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know traditions, language and history of the country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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