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Advertisement of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisements to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Advertisement of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisements to children should be banned. v. 1
Countless adverts corroborate the adage, 'Seeing is believing', albeit children and get affected negatively. Toys and snacks are made ubiquitous, inviting children to try them out incessantly. I am in concord with banning all such commercials. It seems that this issue is more academic than practical in real terms. First and foremost, smart corporations target children for their products. Invariably, their marketing department devises round-the-clock bombardment of commercials on TV. What children watch, they aspire to have all or for the sake of parity, they desire to emulate their peers. Consequently, it is a hard job for moderately earning parents to discipline and content their offspring. Secondly, commercials are designed in a manner that children feel that they cannot do without them. For instance, the packaged food is full of preservatives and additives. Yet, they are depicted in a manner that once they are consumed, the child will become like a 'Superman'. Bizarrely, all in the name of the bottom line, such hokum is sold by large corporations targeting Moldable minds - children. Granted, large corporations need to run their show forever. But, at whose expense is a question that stirs and presents an ethical dilemma. To me, there must be a demarcation drawn on what they claim, too. Many a times, they go on making fallacious claims and providing untrue information which does not serve the objective for the greater good. It is a shame! In a nutshell, the demerits of commercials of toys and snacks outweigh their merits. There is always a line between 'use' and 'abuse' and we need to explain this to children.
Countless adverts corroborate the adage, 'Seeing is believing', albeit
children
and
get
affected
negatively
. Toys and snacks
are made
ubiquitous, inviting
children
to try them out
incessantly
. I am in concord with banning all such commercials. It seems that this issue is more academic than practical in real terms.

First
and foremost, smart corporations target
children
for their products.
Invariably
, their marketing department devises round-the-clock bombardment of commercials on TV. What
children
watch
, they aspire to have all or for the sake of parity, they desire to emulate their peers.
Consequently
, it is a
hard
job for
moderately
earning parents to discipline and content their offspring.

Secondly
, commercials
are designed
in a manner that
children
feel that they cannot do without them.
For instance
, the packaged food is full of preservatives and additives.
Yet
, they
are depicted
in a manner that once they
are consumed
, the child will become like a 'Superman'.
Bizarrely
, all in the name of the bottom line, such hokum
is sold
by large corporations targeting Moldable minds
-
children.

Granted, large corporations need to run their
show
forever.
But
, at whose expense is a question that stirs and presents an ethical dilemma. To me, there
must
be a demarcation drawn on what they claim, too.
Many
a times
, they go on making fallacious claims and providing untrue information which does not serve the objective for the greater
good
. It is a shame!

In a nutshell, the demerits of commercials of toys and snacks outweigh their merits. There is always a line between '
use
' and 'abuse' and we need to
explain
this to
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Advertisement of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisements to children should be banned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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