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advantages and disadvantages of playing sport or doing exercises v.1

advantages and disadvantages of playing sport or doing exercises v. 1
In this day and age, it is an obvious fact that city dwellers usually spend much more time on working and studying in order to have a high-paying job and get promoted. Consequently, some people believe that taking up a sport is unnecessary while others are of the opinion that physical exercises are significantly beneficial to human. First and foremost, playing sports regularly brings us uncountable benefits in both physical and mental aspects. By doing exercises, people have the ability to adopt a healthy lifestyle as well as release stress and anxiety after long hours working. To illustrate, excessive consumption of high-fat food products nowadays may contribute to health problems such as obesity, diabetes, and so on. Only by exercising can people reduce the amount of inessential calorie intake in order to stay fit. Moreover, playing team sports can give players the opportunity to develop interpersonal skills such as teamwork and communication skills, which will not only help people in their social interactions but also benefits them in their future career. On the other hand, there are also disadvantages involved in participating in such sports and exercises. The main drawback is that individuals have the risk of injury while they are taking part in athletics. Over workout and accidents in sports are inevitable if the participants’ body is not familiar with high intensity. Furthermore, practising and playing matches can eat up a lot of the players’ time, especially if there is a tournament. Then there is hour spent buying and replacing special equipment and clothes so that people have no space for other activities. To sum up, I pen down saying that there are many reasons why people should take up a sport or do exercises despite all the negative effects.
In this day and age, it is an obvious fact that city dwellers
usually
spend much more time on working and studying in order to have a high-paying job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that taking up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is unnecessary while others are of the opinion that physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
are
significantly
beneficial to human.

First
and foremost, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
regularly
brings us uncountable benefits in both physical and mental aspects. By doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the ability to adopt a healthy lifestyle
as well
as release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety after long hours working. To illustrate, excessive consumption of high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
food products nowadays may contribute to health problems such as obesity, diabetes, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by exercising can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of inessential calorie intake in order to stay fit.
Moreover
, playing team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can give players the opportunity to develop interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their social interactions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
benefits them in their future career.

On the other hand
, there are
also
disadvantages involved
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in participating in
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. The main drawback is that individuals have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of injury while they are taking part in athletics. Over workout and accidents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are inevitable if the participants’ body is not familiar with high intensity.
Furthermore
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
and playing matches can eat up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the players’ time,
especially
if there is a tournament. Then there is hour spent buying and replacing special equipment and clothes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no space for other activities.

To sum up, I pen down saying that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
despite all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay advantages and disadvantages of playing sport or doing exercises v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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