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Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people. Why does this happens? What can be done to encourage local people to visit museums and historical sites? v.3

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people. Why does this happens? What can be done to encourage local people to visit museums and historical sites? v. 3
Visiting museums and historical places have been increasing by tourists to domestic people these days. Several reasons make residents avoid stopping by the museums and historical buildings; however, some solutions will contribute to manage this problem. Some reasons are partaking in the unwillingness of natives to go to such historic sites. First and foremost, they do believe that they are completely familiar with their history and culture and that is why they are not eager to visit the museums. This is may have been affected by the growth of technology and dying out tradition as well as boring these sites’ inner atmosphere; however, if a sightseer wants to explore more about the culture and past of the region where he travels, he could visit holiday museums and relics. Secondly, because of the entrance ticket fee, citizens would rather spend their money on indispensable daily expenditures. In another word, the more the natives face the economic problem, the less they can disburse for entertainment. To cope with this problem, a couple of solutions are useful. To begin with, the authorities can celebrate religious festivals and ceremonies as well as exhibitions and art competitions in these palaces to recall people. Not only do these activities encourage people to visit the museums and historical sites but also increase their awareness and belonging a sense of their history and culture. Promoting the regional people to visit these places by offering free ticket or customer club card by the government could be the second solution and it might give opportunities for who deprived of observing their national past. To conclude, by considering the causes mentioned, it can be inferred that museum’s visitors are tourists compared to indigenous; however, the government could hold pre-mentioned solutions and solve this issue.
Visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and historical places have been increasing by tourists to domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days. Several reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
residents avoid stopping by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and historical buildings;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
will contribute to manage this problem.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
reasons are partaking in the unwillingness of natives to go to such historic sites.
First
and foremost, they do believe that they are completely familiar with their history and culture and
that is
why they are not eager to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. This is may have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the growth of technology and dying out tradition
as well
as boring these sites’ inner atmosphere;
however
, if a sightseer wants to explore more about the culture and past of the region where he travels, he could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and relics.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the entrance ticket fee, citizens would
rather
spend their money on indispensable daily expenditures. In another word, the more the natives face the economic problem, the less they can disburse for entertainment.

To cope with this problem, a couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
useful. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the authorities can celebrate religious festivals and ceremonies
as well
as exhibitions and art competitions in these palaces to recall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do these activities encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and historical sites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase their awareness and belonging a sense of their history and culture. Promoting the regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
these places by offering free ticket or customer club card by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could be the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
and it might give opportunities for who deprived of observing their national past.

To conclude
, by considering the causes mentioned, it can
be inferred
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum’s
visitors are tourists compared to indigenous;
however
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could hold
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
and solve this issue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than local people. Why does this happens? What can be done to encourage local people to visit museums and historical sites? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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