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Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? v.14

Community think that helping people can be done only after they are success, while some people believe that action for helping others can be started as early as possible even if we do not have money. In my opinion, I absolutely agree that asissting others is not always related with wealth and well-being. First and foremost, education is the most effective way to help individuals. This is due to the fact that education is the vital determinant to develop a better community. Unless juvenille get a higher level of study, they will not be able to get a decent job leading to the increase of unemployment and crime rate. In this point, giving education must not only fulfilled through formal schools, but also from informal or home-school. Hence, we could give a hand to community by becoming a tutor, or merely start from the simplest action, by teaching children to read. Finally, if the level of literacy increased, the better education and life will be achieved. Secondly, the government has played a big role for the money redistribution trough imposing taxes and creating a fair budget system. The reason behind this is that a good tax scheme will boost state revenue and provide fund for many areas, such as health, military, public goods and services, which are beneficial for the citizen. For instance, Vietnam has succesfully leveled up their equality rate by fixing their tax administration and regulation. As a consequence, people could help other through paying taxes and obey the regulation. Eventhough tax is not the single factor for the welfare in this free-market economy, it is clear that we should consider the government's role for a better redistribution. As a conclusion, wealth is not only the measurement of whether we are able to assist community, because individual ought to take a small action in education or paying taxes. Subsequently, in the future government might create a better fair-scheme for the social economy by empowering education and tax administration.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Community
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: “thinks”.
think
that helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
be done
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after they are success, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that action for helping others can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
as early as possible even if we do not have money. In my opinion, I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
asissting
others is not always related with wealth and well-being.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the most effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the vital determinant to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Unless
Possible spelling mistake found.
juvenille
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher level of study, they will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a decent job leading to the increase of unemployment and crime rate. In this point, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The modal verb ‘must’ requires the verb’s base form.
fulfilled
through formal schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from informal or home-school.
Hence
, we could give a hand to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
by becoming a tutor, or
merely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from the simplest action, by teaching children to read.
Finally
, if the level of literacy increased, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and life will
be achieved
.

Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has played a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role for the money redistribution trough imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
and creating a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
budget system. The reason behind this is that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
scheme will boost state revenue and provide fund for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas, such as health, military, public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services, which are beneficial for the citizen.
For instance
, Vietnam has
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesfully
leveled up their equality rate by fixing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
administration and regulation. As a consequence,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
other through paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
and obey the regulation.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
is not the single factor for the welfare in this free-market economy, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that we should consider the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's role for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
redistribution.

As a conclusion, wealth is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the measurement of whether we are able to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individual ought to take a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
action in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
.
Subsequently
, in the future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
might create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
-scheme for the social economy by empowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
administration.
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The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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