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According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourist in the 1960s and 70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture. Why do you think this happen? How was tourism different in the past? v.2

According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourist in the 1960s and 70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture. Why do you think this happen? How was tourism different in the past? v. 2
Recent polls show that tourists prefer to remain in holiday residents when they travel to foreign countries also, they have not tendency to getting to know new culture of destination where they go compare to tourists were in six decades ago. I believe that, there is wide variety of causes tourists do not desire to possess a new experience of resort culture. Firstly, nowadays most of the hotels and residents have satisfaction services and luxury equipments because of that, the visitors prefer to stay in their residents. For example, there are plenty of modern building with particular services in Dubai and remarkable people are eager to spend leisure time inside of residents. secondly, due to the hectic lifestyle of people in fact, most of individuals are so busy and if they can find any spare time I think, staying at hotel is the best choise for them. On the other hands, it looks like in the past people were more brave, because of this, they packed their bags and started new adventure easily into the a new places. They use to economical journey and the main target of them was visiting a strange spectacular scenery and found out new cultures word wide. Of course such sore of travel is not popular these days, nevertheless if anyone has enough cordage to going adventure, they will not regret of their action. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, today’s most of visitors are more comfortable to remain in the resort and it is naturally they do not learn new things about other cultures. I believe that the roles of government and tourist agency are really significant to convince of visitors to watch tourist attractions like people who travelled in the past.
Recent polls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
prefer to remain in holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
when they travel to foreign countries
also
, they have not tendency to getting to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of destination where they go compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
were in six decades ago.

I believe that, there is wide variety of causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
do not desire to possess a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience of resort
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Firstly
, nowadays most of the hotels and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
have satisfaction services and luxury equipments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, the visitors prefer to stay in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of modern building with particular services in Dubai and remarkable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are eager to spend leisure time inside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, due to the hectic lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in fact,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the individuals") or simply say "most individuals".
most of individuals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy and if they can find any spare time I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, staying at hotel is the best
Possible spelling mistake found.
choise
for them.

On the other hands, it looks like in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were more brave,
because of this
, they packed their bags and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
adventure
easily
into
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "place"?
places
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to economical journey and the main target of them was visiting a strange spectacular scenery and found out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
word wide.
Of course
such sore of travel is not popular these days,
nevertheless
if anyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
cordage to going adventure, they will not regret of their action.

In conclusion
, for the reasons mentioned above,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the visitors") or simply say "most visitors".
most of visitors
are more comfortable to remain in the resort and it is
naturally
they do not learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. I believe that the roles of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
agency are
really
significant to convince of visitors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attractions like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who travelled in the past.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourist in the 1960s and 70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture. Why do you think this happen? How was tourism different in the past? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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