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A well-paid job with less time spending with family or lower-paying job with more time spending with family. Which do you prefer? v. 2

By and large, it is established beyond doubt that as human living in civilized societies, we all need a suitable job in order to flourish in our everyday lives and this concept has played a dominant role in individuals' way of living throughout history. Some people are inclined toward the opinion that people should have a well-paid job with less time spending with family whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective. Due to the controversial nature of this question there is not a general agreement on this issue. I am, however, to a great extent of the conviction that people should make an efforts to have a well-paid job and enough time to spend with family. In the ensuing paragraphs some convincing reasons will be delineated to elaborate my personal stance. To commence with, there is no doubt that human beings have been putting all their efforts in order to find a suitable job guaranteeing their future life but they should take their health into consideration. Generally phrased, although working and well-paid job could guarantee future life, it will create such serious health problem like severe stress, heart disease and so forth. Indeed, stress is of utmost important problems that could have deleterious effects on people' s health. For instance, when people run their own business in order to make a living, they are always anxious and overwhelmed by stress due to the fact that earning a substantial amount of money is their whole life goal. To elucidate more on this issue, concentrate only on job not only will terminate in health problem and put people' s health into danger but also will have negative influence on family relationship. Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that relationships required work. They do not materialized and maintain themselves and they are not built on a foundation of convenience either. To put it in other word, when people just think of their career and do not allocate enough time to their family and friends, they will be away from them that resulted in deleterious effects on their relationship. Going into the depth, when we pay attention to each other, indeed, we breathe new life into each other. With frequent attention and affection people will feel satisfy and grow stronger. However, what was alluded to above can' t be overgeneralized to all contexts. Alongside with the countless merits it has, indisputably, make a living and earn a hoard of money is of utmost importance issue when it comes to inflation and economic recession. In fact, people need to make money in order to flourish in their lives and reach pinnacle of their days. Nonetheless, it does not make those preceding benefits pale. In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that people should earn money and spend enough time with their relation equally. Having ignored these situation will put people into a huge problem and not provide an opportunity for people to reach success in their personal life.

IELTS essay A well-paid job with less time spending with family or lower-paying job with more time spending with family. Which do you prefer? v.2

By and large, it
is established
beyond doubt that as human
living
in civilized societies, we all need a suitable
job
in
order
to flourish in our everyday
lives
and this concept has played a dominant role in
individuals&
#039; way of
living
throughout history.
Some
people
are inclined
toward the opinion that
people
should have a well-paid
job
with less
time
spending with
family
whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective. Due to the controversial nature of this question there is not a general agreement on this issue. I am,
however
, to a great extent of the conviction that
people
should
make
an efforts
to have a well-paid
job
and
enough
time
to spend with
family
. In the ensuing paragraphs
some
convincing reasons will
be delineated
to elaborate my personal stance.

To commence with, there is no doubt that human beings have been putting all their efforts in
order
to find a suitable
job
guaranteeing their future
life
but
they should take their
health
into consideration.
Generally
phrased, although working and well-paid
job
could guarantee future
life
, it will create such serious
health
problem
like severe
stress
, heart disease and
so
forth.
Indeed
,
stress
is of utmost
important
problems
that could have deleterious effects on
people&
#039; s
health
.
For instance
, when
people
run their
own
business in
order
to
make
a
living
, they are always anxious and overwhelmed by
stress
due to the fact that earning a substantial amount of
money
is their whole
life
goal. To elucidate more on this issue, concentrate
only
on
job
not
only
will terminate in
health
problem
and put
people&
#039; s
health
into
danger
but
also
will have
negative
influence on
family
relationship.

Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that relationships required work. They do not
materialized
and maintain
themselves and
they are not built on a foundation of convenience either. To put it in
other
word, when
people
just
think
of their career and do not allocate
enough
time
to their
family
and friends, they will be away from them that resulted in deleterious effects on their relationship. Going into the depth, when we pay attention to each
other
,
indeed
, we breathe new
life
into each
other
. With frequent attention and affection
people
will feel satisfy and grow stronger.

However
, what
was alluded
to above
can&
#039; t
be overgeneralized
to all contexts. Alongside with the countless merits it has,
indisputably
,
make
a
living
and earn a hoard of
money
is of utmost importance issue when it
comes
to inflation and economic recession. In fact,
people
need to
make
money
in
order
to flourish in their
lives
and reach pinnacle of their days. Nonetheless, it does not
make
those preceding benefits pale.

In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that
people
should earn
money
and spend
enough
time
with their relation
equally
. Having
ignored
these situation
will put
people
into a huge
problem
and not provide an opportunity for
people
to reach success in their personal
life
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans
Essay
5 paragraphs
495 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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