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A well-paid job with less time spending with family or lower-paying job with more time spending with family. Which do you prefer? v.2

A well-paid job with less time spending with family or lower-paying job with more time spending with family. Which do you prefer? v. 2
By and large, it is established beyond doubt that as human living in civilized societies, we all need a suitable job in order to flourish in our everyday lives and this concept has played a dominant role in individuals' way of living throughout history. Some people are inclined toward the opinion that people should have a well-paid job with less time spending with family whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective. Due to the controversial nature of this question there is not a general agreement on this issue. I am, however, to a great extent of the conviction that people should make an efforts to have a well-paid job and enough time to spend with family. In the ensuing paragraphs some convincing reasons will be delineated to elaborate my personal stance. To commence with, there is no doubt that human beings have been putting all their efforts in order to find a suitable job guaranteeing their future life but they should take their health into consideration. Generally phrased, although working and well-paid job could guarantee future life, it will create such serious health problem like severe stress, heart disease and so forth. Indeed, stress is of utmost important problems that could have deleterious effects on people' s health. For instance, when people run their own business in order to make a living, they are always anxious and overwhelmed by stress due to the fact that earning a substantial amount of money is their whole life goal. To elucidate more on this issue, concentrate only on job not only will terminate in health problem and put people' s health into danger but also will have negative influence on family relationship. Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that relationships required work. They do not materialized and maintain themselves and they are not built on a foundation of convenience either. To put it in other word, when people just think of their career and do not allocate enough time to their family and friends, they will be away from them that resulted in deleterious effects on their relationship. Going into the depth, when we pay attention to each other, indeed, we breathe new life into each other. With frequent attention and affection people will feel satisfy and grow stronger. However, what was alluded to above can' t be overgeneralized to all contexts. Alongside with the countless merits it has, indisputably, make a living and earn a hoard of money is of utmost importance issue when it comes to inflation and economic recession. In fact, people need to make money in order to flourish in their lives and reach pinnacle of their days. Nonetheless, it does not make those preceding benefits pale. In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that people should earn money and spend enough time with their relation equally. Having ignored these situation will put people into a huge problem and not provide an opportunity for people to reach success in their personal life.
By and large, it
is established
beyond doubt that as human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in civilized societies, we all need a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to flourish in our everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and this concept has played a dominant role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
individuals&
#039; way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
throughout history.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
toward the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spending with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective. Due to the controversial nature of this question there is not a general agreement on this issue. I am,
however
, to a great extent of the conviction that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an effort" or simply "efforts"?
an efforts
to have a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In the ensuing paragraphs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
convincing reasons will
be delineated
to elaborate my personal stance.

To commence with, there is no doubt that human beings have been putting all their efforts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to find a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
guaranteeing their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
into consideration.
Generally
phrased, although working and well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
could guarantee future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it will create such serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
like severe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, heart disease and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
Indeed
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is of utmost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that could have deleterious effects on
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
, they are always anxious and overwhelmed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
due to the fact that earning a substantial amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goal. To elucidate more on this issue, concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will terminate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and put
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship.

Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that relationships required work. They do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "materialize"?
materialized
and maintain
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
themselves and
they are not built on a foundation of convenience either. To put it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
word, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of their career and do not allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends, they will be away from them that resulted in deleterious effects on their relationship. Going into the depth, when we pay attention to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
indeed
, we breathe new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
into each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. With frequent attention and affection
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will feel satisfy and grow stronger.

However
, what
was alluded
to above
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t
be overgeneralized
to all contexts. Alongside with the countless merits it has,
indisputably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
and earn a hoard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is of utmost importance issue when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to inflation and economic recession. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to flourish in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and reach pinnacle of their days. Nonetheless, it does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
those preceding benefits pale.

In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their relation
equally
. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
Did you mean "this situation" or "these situations"?
these situation
will put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and not provide an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach success in their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay A well-paid job with less time spending with family or lower-paying job with more time spending with family. Which do you prefer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
495 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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