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A rise in the standard of living in a country seems to benefit cities more than rural areas. What problems might those differences cause? How can these problems be reduced? v.1

A rise in the standard of living in a country seems to benefit cities more than rural areas. What problems might those differences cause? How can these problems be reduced? v. 1
In the twenty-first century, the issue of urbanization has gained significant attention in many developed countries. Generally speaking, some adverse impacts would be created when the gap between living in the urban areas and countries increasing; I believe that governments should adopt different methods to tackle the problems. To begin with, several issues could be generated when cities' public facilities are better than countryside’s infrastructure. Firstly, people usually would relocate to large urban areas in order to reach an improved quality of life. Hence, employers, especially 'slaver drivers' in Asia, would probably exploit employees by providing low salaries and poor working conditions. Furthermore, the house prices in the downtown areas might soar to an untouchable level. This is due to the fact that the demand of accommodation would be increased. Indeed, this phenomenon could cause various side effects. However, I feel that these matters could be solved by governments' different policies. For one thing, governments could introduce a strict law to fine companies which do not pay minimum wages. This is, companies' owners would possibly become law-abiding and treat their subordinates well. For another, governments could spend sufficient funds on improving transportation systems. Thus, perhaps, workers are willing to relocate to a city's surrounding areas which could lead to a decreased house prices in the downtown areas. As a result, different social issues could be controlled by governments' a variation of implementations. To sum up, although an ever-increasing gap between cities and rural regions could result in some detrimental impacts, I consider that governments could implement a range of strategies to address the root of it.
In the twenty-
first
century, the issue of urbanization has gained significant attention in
many
developed countries
.
Generally
speaking,
some
adverse impacts would
be created
when the gap between living in the urban
areas
and countries increasing; I believe that
governments
should adopt
different
methods to tackle the problems.

To
begin
with, several issues could
be generated
when cities' public facilities are better than countryside’s infrastructure.
Firstly
,
people
usually would relocate
to large urban
areas
in order to reach an
improved
quality of life.
Hence
, employers,
especially
'slaver drivers' in Asia, would
probably
exploit employees by providing low salaries and poor working conditions.
Furthermore
, the
house
prices in the downtown
areas
might soar to an untouchable level.
This is due to the fact that
the demand of accommodation would
be increased
.
Indeed
, this phenomenon could cause various side effects.

However
, I feel that these matters could
be solved
by
governments
'
different
policies. For one thing,
governments
could introduce a strict law to fine
companies
which do not pay minimum wages. This is,
companies
' owners would
possibly
become law-abiding and treat their subordinates well. For another,
governments
could spend sufficient funds on improving transportation systems.
Thus
, perhaps, workers are willing to relocate to a city's surrounding
areas
which could lead to a decreased
house
prices in the downtown
areas
.
As a result
,
different
social issues could
be controlled
by
governments
' a variation of implementations.

To sum up, although an ever-increasing gap between cities and rural regions could result in
some
detrimental impacts, I consider that
governments
could implement a range of strategies to address the root of it.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay A rise in the standard of living in a country seems to benefit cities more than rural areas. What problems might those differences cause? How can these problems be reduced? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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