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A rise in the standard of living in a country seems to only benefits cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference cause? How might the problems be reduced? v.2

A rise in the standard of living in a country seems to only benefits cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference cause? How might the problems be reduced? v. 2
It is true that the rapid development of an integrating economy leads to people have the higher standard of living, whereas the gap between cities and rural areas is wider than the past. There are various negative effects because of these developments, and there are numerous solutions to tackle these problems. On the other hand, the fast- changing economy of the developed regions created some predominant problems. To begin with, dwellers in the undeveloped region tend to migrate to the big cities with the aim of better lives, such as seeking the high paid jobs or better education and health services; therefore; the cities seemed to be over- populated leading to traffic jam, environmental pollution, and the pressure on infrastructure and services. For instance, traffic jam in the developed cities at peak hours was obvious because of these high population rates. In addition, a widening gap between urban areas and countryside made the people living in the rural areas feel dissatisfied and unfair. To be specific, the city dwellers had countless destinations to entertain as theaters, shopping malls, and parks; while the people who lived in remote areas were rather hard to make ends meet every day. On the other hand, there are some suggestions to narrow the gap between urban and rural areas. Firstly, the Government should invest a great deal of money to build the public works as hospitals, school, and amusement parks to fulfil the rural dwellers’ needs. Also, it will reduce the pressure on infrastructure in the developed cities. Secondly, the authorities should give the appropriate policies to attract business to invest on constructing the industrial zones in the undeveloped regions. Thus, residents in these regions will tend to come back their hometown because it creates more jobs for them with higher salaries. In conclusion, the higher standard of living in the cities has negative effects on the small areas, so it seems to be that many solutions of the Government to resolve these situations.
It is true that the rapid development of an integrating economy leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the higher standard of living, whereas the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is wider than the past. There are various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these developments, and there are numerous solutions to tackle these problems.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
- changing economy of the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
predominant problems. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, dwellers in the undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
tend to migrate to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
with the aim of better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, such as seeking the high paid jobs or better education and health services;
therefore
; the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
seemed to be over- populated leading to traffic jam, environmental pollution, and the pressure on infrastructure and services.
For instance
, traffic jam in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
at peak hours was obvious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these high population rates.
In addition
, a widening gap between urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and countryside made the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
feel dissatisfied and unfair. To be specific, the city dwellers had countless destinations to entertain as theaters, shopping malls, and parks; while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
were
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
every day.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions to narrow the gap between urban and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should invest a great deal of money to build the public works as hospitals, school, and amusement parks to fulfil the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
dwellers’ needs.
Also
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure on infrastructure in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Secondly
, the authorities should give the appropriate policies to attract business to invest on constructing the industrial zones in the undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
.
Thus
, residents in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
will tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back their hometown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates more jobs for them with higher salaries.

In conclusion
, the higher standard of living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it seems to be that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
to resolve these situations.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay A rise in the standard of living in a country seems to only benefits cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference cause? How might the problems be reduced? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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