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A rise in the standard of living in a country seems to only benefits cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference cause? How might the problems be reduced? v.1

A rise in the standard of living in a country seems to only benefits cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference cause? How might the problems be reduced? v. 1
It has been observed that the majority of the criminals who paid their punishment in jail or other legal way has been willing to do other crimes after their fine was finished. The main reason is that lack of education in prisons and a shortage of the rehabilitation period. There are many solutions to prevent this kind of commits and I will try to explain the solutions with proper realized cases. Firstly, one of the main reasons which allows criminals tends to commit is a lack of the rehabilitation procedure in prison. In other words, the severity of the managers of prisons has priority to keep calm the criminals and prevent any issue which could happen in prisons. Due to the fact that the executives of lockup generally do not consider the after criminal life of the prisoners. Secondly, after spending many years in confinement, they have become lazier and not hardworking due to sitting or sleeping all day without doing anything to improve themselves in psychologically and psychically. The third and the most important reason is the money issue. In addition, prisoners have been spending all the money whilst staying in jail. After release, they have to bear the living cost and especially the cost of accommodation, which is essential for all people. There are two effective solutions to avoid the issue of the prisoners' after the release period. One and the vital solution is helping them via psychologically and mentally which provide by the senior psychologist specialize in criminals and their conditions. In other words, these teams have to be implemented in every jail full time. For example, every prisoner can be scheduled the same day and hours for treatment and then, if needed, they may be forced to use the anti-depressant cures and pills. Secondly, the government has to focus on their after-jail life and as stated above paragraph, the government has to publish a law, and which should be stated that the monthly salary will be provided by government in only one condition and the condition is prisoners to not commit and involved in any other unreasonable issues. If it happens the penalty is to be executed. In conclusion, in the light of information given above, even if there are many reasons for prisoners to commit any crimes after their punishment, it should not be forgotten that there are also many solutions such as treatment during punishment stage and helping them to implement social life.
It has
been observed
that the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who paid their punishment in jail or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
legal way has been willing to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crimes after their fine
was finished
. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that lack of education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
and a shortage of the rehabilitation period. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commits
and I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
with proper realized cases.

Firstly
, one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
tends to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
is a lack of the rehabilitation procedure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the severity of the managers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
has priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
calm the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
which could happen in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
. Due to the fact that the executives of lockup
generally
do not consider the after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
.
Secondly
, after spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years in confinement, they have become lazier and not hardworking due to sitting or sleeping all day without doing anything to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves in
psychologically
and
psychically
. The third and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
have been spending all the money whilst staying in jail. After release, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear the living cost and
especially
the cost of accommodation, which is essential for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There are two effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of the prisoners' after the release period. One and the vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is helping them via
psychologically
and mentally which provide by the senior psychologist specialize in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and their conditions. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, these teams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be implemented
in every jail full time.
For example
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoner
can
be scheduled
the same day and hours for treatment and then, if needed, they may
be forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the anti-depressant cures and pills.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
focus on their after-jail life and as stated above paragraph, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
publish a law, and which should
be stated
that the monthly salary will
be provided
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one condition and the condition is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
to not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
and involved in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
unreasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
it happens the penalty is to
be executed
.

In conclusion
, in the light of information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above, even if there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
any crimes after their punishment, it should not
be forgotten
that there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
such as treatment during punishment stage and helping them to implement social life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay A rise in the standard of living in a country seems to only benefits cities rather than rural areas. What problems might this difference cause? How might the problems be reduced? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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