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A recent study showed people in developed countries are not as happy as they were before development. What are the causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v.1

A recent study showed people in developed countries are not as happy as they were before development. What are the causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v. 1
In the contemporary world today, studies reveal that the citizens of the developed nations are not happy when compared to the past, when they were in the developing stage. With the rise of nations in terms of power and status, it is causing its people to sacrifice their family lives due to heavy expenses. This essay will further discuss the causes for people being unhappy, and later provide viable solutions. Mainly, the people living in country with strong economies are levied with huge taxes to pay. The infrastructure of a completely developed country is maintained by the government income collected in the form of taxes, each product an individual buys, has additional surcharges, this will make consumers burdened with expenses. Moreover, due to high costs of living each family member thrives to be employed to meet daily requirements unlike developing territories, leaving no time for family bonding and happiness. Statistics have proven that, in the developed nations 7 out of 10 people are victims of stress due to finances. Although the issue is challenging, the governments can solve this matter by providing educational facilities for a low cost and creating job opportunities. An educated person will be skilled to work in the field, he has expertise in. In addition to the education, if the ample vacancies are available, he will be able to obtain enough salary to support his family and their needs. For example, Dr John Westley, became a doctor due to scholarships, he is currently in one of the highly paid professions, and lives his family life happily. In conclusion, developed nations have their economic agenda to build and maintain the infrastructure which affects people who pay government in all forms of charges, due to this the citizens become depressed for not keeping their families happy by fulfilling their basic needs. In such situations, the feasible solutions could be education and work opportunities, which will enable one to keep himself and others who are related to them in joy.
In the contemporary world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, studies reveal that the citizens of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are not happy when compared to the past, when they were in the developing stage. With the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in terms of power and status, it is causing its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sacrifice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to heavy expenses. This essay will
further
discuss the causes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being unhappy, and later provide viable solutions.

Mainly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in country with strong economies
are levied
with huge taxes to pay. The infrastructure of a completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
country
is maintained
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
income collected in the form of taxes, each product an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
, has additional surcharges, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
consumers burdened with expenses.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to high costs of living each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member thrives to
be employed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
daily requirements unlike developing territories, leaving no time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding and happiness. Statistics have proven that, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
7 out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are victims of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to finances.

Although the issue is challenging, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can solve this matter by providing educational facilities for a low cost and creating job opportunities. An educated person will
be skilled
to work in the field, he has expertise in.
In addition
to the education, if the ample vacancies are available, he will be able to obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
salary to support his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and their needs.
For example
, Dr John Westley, became a doctor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to scholarships, he is
currently
in one of the
highly
paid professions, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life
happily
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have their economic agenda to build and maintain the infrastructure which affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in all forms of charges,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this the citizens become depressed for not keeping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
happy by fulfilling their basic needs. In such situations, the feasible solutions could be education and work opportunities, which will enable one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
himself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
who
are related
to them in joy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay A recent study showed people in developed countries are not as happy as they were before development. What are the causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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