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A lot of students from the developing countries are moving towards the western countries for higher education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this migration? v.1

A lot of students from the developing countries are moving towards the western countries for higher education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this migration? v. 1
In the modern world, a well-paying job is a debatable topic among people. Some people believe that a high qualification is the one way where a person get high package job. Whereas another group of thinkers support that having experience is the most appropriate way to get a high salary job. I would like to discuss both the views and my opinion in the following paragraphs. Many universities or college students who have done under graduation or post-graduation get a high salary job. Because they are mastered and highly skilled. In colleges, they learnt about the skills and field. So, they became a master at that. Many companies have job profiles where highly qualified personnel needed. Such as a software developer, charted accounted at the initial level. However, they recruit only well qualified and skilled people irrespective of experience. On the other hand, people believe that a person who has work experience can get a well-paying profession. Because there are many posts, where only experience people required and well paid. By this, I mean that work experience makes a person more efficient and more managing in the skills. For instance, the CEO of a company or managing level always needs an experienced person. So, work experience also gets a well-paying post. In conclusion, I would say that both highly qualified and experiences get high salary. However, both needs skills and mastery. So, Irrespective of experienced and highly qualified, people should have mastered in their skills.
In the modern world, a well-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is a debatable topic among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
qualification is the one way where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "gets".
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
package
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
another group of thinkers
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "supports"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'support' is not always incorrect.)
support
that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is the most appropriate way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I would like to discuss both the views and my opinion in the following paragraphs.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
universities or college students who have done under graduation or post-graduation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
are mastered
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
highly
skilled. In colleges, they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they became a master at that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
profiles where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualified
personnel needed. Such as a software developer, charted accounted at the initial level.
However
, they recruit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualified
and skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
irrespective of experience.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who has work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a well-paying profession.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
posts, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
required and well paid. By this, I mean that work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
more efficient and more managing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For instance
, the CEO of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or managing level always needs an experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a well-paying post.

In conclusion
, I would say that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualified
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary.
However
, both needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and mastery.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, Irrespective of experienced and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualified
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have mastered in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A lot of students from the developing countries are moving towards the western countries for higher education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this migration? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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