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A lot of social problems can be related to teenagers these days. Some feel that this is because parents are not able to spend enough time to take care of their teenage child. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

A lot of social problems can be related to teenagers these days. Some feel that this is because parents are not able to spend enough time to take care of their teenage child. v. 1
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of negative social news related to teenagers, which makes many people attribute the problem to the parents’ lack of concern for their children. From my perspective, while parents are indeed obliged to spend more time with their children, schools and the government also play important roles in dealing with the issue. It is undeniable that a child’s growing up is inseparable from the parents’ care and cultivation. Scientific research has proved that the absence of motherly and fatherly love would subject a kid to a high risk of psychological trauma, thus obstructing him or her from growing to be a mentally healthy person that gets along well with others. Meanwhile, without the necessary supervision and guide from parents, young people would be easily attracted by the representations of violence and crimes on mass media. It follows that they may be motivated to practice violence in the real life and destabilize local community. In spite of the significance of parenting and family education, one should not ignore the influence of schools, the government, and the entire society on children’s personal development. It is in the school that teenagers spend most of their time and establish their knowledge system as well as values and morality. Thus, in addition to focusing on the students’ academic performance, schools also need to pay more attention to their psychological wellbeing and guide them to think and behave properly. More importantly, the government should offer financial and institutional support to schools and families, such as increasing educational funding and releasing parents’ pressure of raising children. Also, the government is expected to strengthen the censorship of films, TV shows, and the internet, thereby preventing children from exposure to explicitly violent contents. In conclusion, teenagers’ crimes and misconducts have a lot to do with the problems of their family and parents. Nonetheless, only through the efforts of schools, the government, and the whole society can those problems be effectively solved.
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
social news related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
attribute the problem to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
lack of concern for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. From my perspective, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
indeed
obliged to spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
also
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles in dealing with the issue.

It is undeniable that a child’s growing up is inseparable from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
care and cultivation. Scientific research has proved that the absence of
motherly
and
fatherly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
would subject a kid to a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of psychological trauma,
thus
obstructing him or her from growing to be a mentally healthy person that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
along well with others. Meanwhile, without the necessary supervision and guide from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be
easily
attracted by the representations of violence and crimes on mass media. It follows that they may
be motivated
to practice violence in the real life and destabilize local community.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the significance of parenting and family education, one should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, and the entire society on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personal development. It is in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend most of their time and establish their knowledge system
as well
as values and morality.
Thus
,
in addition
to focusing on the students’ academic performance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
also
need to pay more attention to their psychological
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
and guide them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and behave
properly
. More
importantly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should offer financial and institutional support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and families, such as increasing educational funding and releasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
pressure of raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to strengthen the censorship of films, TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, and the internet, thereby preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from exposure to
explicitly
violent contents.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’ crimes and misconducts have a lot to do with the problems of their family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Nonetheless,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through the efforts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, and the whole society can those problems be
effectively
solved.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay A lot of social problems can be related to teenagers these days. Some feel that this is because parents are not able to spend enough time to take care of their teenage child. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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