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A lot of social problems can be related to teenagers these days. Some feel that this is because parents are not able to spend enough time to take care of their teenage child. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

A lot of social problems can be related to teenagers these days. Some feel that this is because parents are not able to spend enough time to take care of their teenage child. v. 1
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of negative social news related to teenagers, which makes many people attribute the problem to the parents’ lack of concern for their children. From my perspective, while parents are indeed obliged to spend more time with their children, schools and the government also play important roles in dealing with the issue. It is undeniable that a child’s growing up is inseparable from the parents’ care and cultivation. Scientific research has proved that the absence of motherly and fatherly love would subject a kid to a high risk of psychological trauma, thus obstructing him or her from growing to be a mentally healthy person that gets along well with others. Meanwhile, without the necessary supervision and guide from parents, young people would be easily attracted by the representations of violence and crimes on mass media. It follows that they may be motivated to practice violence in the real life and destabilize local community. In spite of the significance of parenting and family education, one should not ignore the influence of schools, the government, and the entire society on children’s personal development. It is in the school that teenagers spend most of their time and establish their knowledge system as well as values and morality. Thus, in addition to focusing on the students’ academic performance, schools also need to pay more attention to their psychological wellbeing and guide them to think and behave properly. More importantly, the government should offer financial and institutional support to schools and families, such as increasing educational funding and releasing parents’ pressure of raising children. Also, the government is expected to strengthen the censorship of films, TV shows, and the internet, thereby preventing children from exposure to explicitly violent contents. In conclusion, teenagers’ crimes and misconducts have a lot to do with the problems of their family and parents. Nonetheless, only through the efforts of schools, the government, and the whole society can those problems be effectively solved.
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of
negative
social news related to
teenagers
, which
makes
many
people
attribute the problem to the
parents’
lack of concern for their
children
. From my perspective, while
parents
are
indeed
obliged to spend more time with their
children
,
schools
and the
government
also
play
important
roles in dealing with the issue.

It is undeniable that a child’s growing up is inseparable from the
parents’
care and cultivation. Scientific research has proved that the absence of
motherly
and
fatherly
love
would subject a kid to a high
risk
of psychological trauma,
thus
obstructing him or her from growing to be a mentally healthy person that
gets
along well with others. Meanwhile, without the necessary supervision and guide from
parents
, young
people
would be
easily
attracted by the representations of violence and crimes on mass media. It follows that they may
be motivated
to practice violence in the real life and destabilize local community.

In spite of
the significance of parenting and family education, one should not
ignore
the influence of
schools
, the
government
, and the entire society on
children’s
personal development. It is in the
school
that
teenagers
spend most of their time and establish their knowledge system
as well
as values and morality.
Thus
,
in addition
to focusing on the students’ academic performance,
schools
also
need to pay more attention to their psychological
wellbeing
and guide them to
think
and behave
properly
. More
importantly
, the
government
should offer financial and institutional support to
schools
and families, such as increasing educational funding and releasing
parents’
pressure of raising
children
.
Also
, the
government
is
expected
to strengthen the censorship of films, TV
shows
, and the internet, thereby preventing
children
from exposure to
explicitly
violent contents.

In conclusion
,
teenagers
’ crimes and misconducts have a lot to do with the problems of their family and
parents
. Nonetheless,
only
through the efforts of
schools
, the
government
, and the whole society can those problems be
effectively
solved.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay A lot of social problems can be related to teenagers these days. Some feel that this is because parents are not able to spend enough time to take care of their teenage child. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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