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A lot of people who wanted to become professional athletes gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parents' pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to do a career in sports? v.1

A lot of people who wanted to become professional athletes gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parents' pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to do a career in sports? v. 1
It is a controversial issue whether people who choose work for one of sports jobs should be supported by their parents or not. In my own perspective, I strongly agree with this view. There are two primary reasons indicating my idea is right. The first justification is that people who decide to choose their own career related to sports in the future need to have a strong attachment to that profession. In order that they can maintain their passion for their works, they also require support from their family. For example, Messi has a huge success in sports thanks to supporting coming from his family. As a result, a positive or even negative parental influence still has a significant impact on their offsprings' career choices both starting and upholding. Furthermore, it is undeniable that the problems related to your physical and mental in your job influence lots of on their final achievement. If adolescents want to study in fields corresponding sports, they will need to receive their family's members' respect for their own job, which is a help for their mental. For instance, after suffering injuries on the body, besides athletes have to treatment methods, they also need encouraging by their parents or their close members in their family. Therefore, it is too difficult for whom do not have any supporter in their career to get the highest level. In conclusion, this is my own opinion, supporting coming from the family's members is very important to each person’s success
It is a controversial issue whether
people
who choose work for one of
sports
jobs should
be supported
by their parents or not. In my
own
perspective, I
strongly
agree
with this view.

There are two primary reasons indicating my
idea
is right. The
first
justification is that
people
who decide to choose their
own
career related to
sports
in the future need to have a strong attachment to that profession. In order that they can maintain their passion for their works, they
also
require support from their family.
For example
, Messi has a huge success in
sports
thanks to supporting coming from his family.
As a result
, a
positive
or even
negative
parental influence
still
has a significant impact on their
offsprings
' career choices both starting and upholding.

Furthermore
, it is undeniable that the problems related to your physical and mental in your job influence lots of on their final achievement. If adolescents want to study in fields corresponding
sports
, they will need to receive their family's members' respect for their
own
job, which is a
help
for their mental.
For instance
, after suffering injuries on the body,
besides
athletes
have to
treatment methods, they
also
need encouraging by their parents or their close members in their family.
Therefore
, it is too difficult for whom do not have any supporter in their career to
get
the highest level.

In conclusion
, this is my
own
opinion, supporting coming from the family's members is
very
important
to each person’s success
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay A lot of people who wanted to become professional athletes gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parents' pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to do a career in sports? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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