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A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.8

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. 8
Evidently, humans are the most intelligent creatures in this world, so humans have been killing animals since they evolved to satisfy their needs like food, clothing, fire etc. However, modern society feels that animals should not be killed anymore, which is not right according to me. Firstly, humans kill animals for imperative purposes, for instance animal's body parts are being used by Doctors to evolve new medicines and to cure some dangerous diseases which are essential for the survival of humans. If animals will not be killed, then there population will get abundant which will be dangerous for both human and nature. In addition, Scientists and doctors use to do their research and tests on the animals, so they can find the flaws before applying that on humans. If they directly apply that on humans, then it will lead to be a serious issue for the society. Eventually, these all are for the welfare of humans. On the contrary, Due to after killing of animals, some species of animals are on endangered state and some of them have already been extinct, which includes some beautiful species like stingray, so Humans are destroying the nature. We cannot ignore the fact that animals have feelings too, and they are also a creation of god, so it is cruel to kill animals. So it can be concluded, Despite the fact that animals have feelings, humans need to kill them for their own welfare and it is necessary for the survival of humans, but they must avoid excess killing of animals and killing of rare or endangered species to retain the beauty of our nature.
Evidently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are the most intelligent creatures in this world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
since they evolved to satisfy their needs like food, clothing, fire etc.
However
, modern society feels that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not
be killed
anymore, which is not right according to me.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for imperative purposes,
for instance
animal's body parts are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by Doctors to evolve new medicines and to cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases which are essential for the survival of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
will not
be killed
, then there population will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
abundant which will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
and nature.

In addition
, Scientists and doctors
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
do their research and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can find the flaws
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applying that on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. If they
directly
apply that on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, then it will lead to be a serious issue for the society.
Eventually
, these all are for the welfare of humans.

On the contrary
, Due to after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are on endangered state and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have already been extinct, which includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
species like stingray,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
are destroying the nature. We cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have feelings too, and they are
also
a creation of god,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is cruel to kill animals.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it can
be concluded
, Despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have feelings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
need to kill them for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
welfare and it is necessary for the survival of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
avoid excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killing
of rare or endangered species to retain the beauty of our nature.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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