Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. v.2

Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. v. 2
Some people think that school friends give more influence to a child’s success than parents. Although the existence of friends has some positive effect, I personally believe that parents give more significant effect to the child’s success. It is undeniable that classmates play a significant role in a child success, as friends could help each other. One of the examples is when a child does not understand a lesson, he could ask a help from his friends. And then, when a child joins a sports competition, his friends might support him and give him encouragement. Despite all the positive sides, they could also bring negatives things as well. For instance, one of the classmates might be addicted to drugs, and he could influence the others to use it. Many people believe that parents have more significant contributions to a child’s academic study than classmates. Even though they might not be giving technical advice to the child, but they give moral support. For example, a child might have some difficulties with his exam and has to study until late at night, his parents might give some motivational words that inspire him, and also stay awake to accompany the child. And then, parents will also provide all funds needed for the improvement of the child’s academic study. For instance, a child might have some problems with mathematics, and the parents might hire a private tutor for their child. In conclusion, I do agree that school friends have some positive effect on a child’s academic performance, but I do not agree if people think that classmates give more important influence than parents. I believe that parents play more vital roles in a child’s success, as they give moral and financial support.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more influence to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
success than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Although the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more significant effect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
success.

It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
play a significant role in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
success, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other. One of the examples is when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
does not understand a lesson, he could ask a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. And then, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
a sports competition, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
support him and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
him encouragement. Despite all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides, they could
also
bring negatives things
as well
.
For instance
, one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be addicted
to drugs, and he could influence the others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have more significant contributions to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
academic study than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
.
Even though
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be giving technical advice to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
moral support.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties with his exam and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
study until late at night, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
motivational words that inspire him, and
also
stay awake to accompany the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. And then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
also
provide all funds needed for the improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
academic study.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with mathematics, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
hire a private tutor for their child.

In conclusion
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
academic performance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
influence than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play more vital roles in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
success, as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
moral and financial support.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts