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Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. v.4

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. v. 4
Product selling companies hire advertising agencies to make commercials for their products so that they can increase profit. This essay will discuss that out of various factors, the theme and cast are the most important which must be considered while making an ad more effective. However, I believe that advertisements are imperative because they are used to cultivate awareness in public. To embark with, a theme of the commercial is of utmost importance because it decides which age-group of people needs to target. This is to say, if a company is advertising a chocolate bar, then the audience would be mostly children. Their aim should be making the commercial more colourful and appealing to children so that they want to buy that chocolate candy. For example, the Audi company is earning billions of dollars annually because the brand ambassador of Audi car is Virat Kohli, who has a huge fan following all over the world, people buy an Audi car to imbibe his lifestyle. Nevertheless, advertisements are used to create awareness in the society about a social evil, such as corruption, health issues, augmenting crime rate, and the list goes on. This can be done by highlighting the problem, it's possible effects and solutions, that people can adopt in society to extirpate them. For example, a similar initiative was taken in Germany in which the government educated their nation on widespread AIDS, and also tell them measures which should be taken by people to protect them from this contagious disease. Therefore, it results in a 46% decrease in affected cases which are reported annually. To conclude, advertisements are a good thing for the society because ads are used as a tool to address nations on an alarming situation; however, the theme of the message must be unique, and the selection of the cast plays a central role in making an ad more effective.
Product selling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hire advertising agencies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
commercials for their products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can increase profit. This essay will discuss that out of various factors, the theme and cast are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
while making an ad more effective.
However
, I believe that advertisements are imperative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to cultivating".
used to cultivate
awareness in public.

To embark with, a theme of the commercial is of utmost importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it decides which age-group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
needs to target. This is to say, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is advertising a chocolate bar, then the audience would be
mostly
children. Their aim should be making the commercial more
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
and appealing to children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that chocolate candy.
For example
, the Audi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is earning billions of dollars
annually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the brand ambassador of Audi car is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
, who has a huge fan following all over the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
an Audi car to imbibe his lifestyle.

Nevertheless
, advertisements are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to create awareness in the society about a social evil, such as corruption, health issues, augmenting crime rate, and the list goes on. This can
be done
by highlighting the problem,
Did you mean "its possible effects"?
it's possible effects
and solutions, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can adopt in society to extirpate them.
For example
, a similar initiative
was taken
in Germany in which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
educated their nation on widespread AIDS, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them measures which should
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to protect them from this contagious disease.
Therefore
, it results in a 46% decrease in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
cases which
are reported
annually
.

To conclude
, advertisements are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing for the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
ads are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a tool to address nations on an alarming situation;
however
, the theme of the message
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be unique, and the selection of the cast plays a central role in making an ad more effective.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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