Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that the government should offer financial support andcare to old people, while others think that people should save money for theirfuture life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the government should offer financial support andcare to old people, while others think that people should save money for theirfuture life. v. 1
There is a controversy about who will be responsible for older people’s life. Some people argue that government should offer support to them, whereas other people believe that they should save money for their retirement lives. In my view, the combination of personal support and governments support would be a better way to ensure that the elderly can have a stable life. Many people are strong advocates of the elderly supported by the government, mainly because these supports may enable them to live better lives. Many older people especially those who are single without families are less likely to have an ability to earn their lives. For example, many old people who lost their spouse and lost contact with their family members are unless likely to maintain their daily lives, and governments’ support will save their life. As a result, these older people living conditions can be improved greatly. However, opponents argue that young people should save money for their retirement life, possibly because they do not want to bring much burden to governments and even want to make contribution to society. Many medical needs and costs occur in the last years of life, and governments may get trouble in economy if governments give them help in these aspects. As a result, these older people can take care of them by themselves, which means that the government do not need to pay much attention to them and have more capital space to build more public facilities that both benefits to them and public. In my opinion, if the elderly can get support from governments and support themselves, their lives will be better. They can get supports from two ways which make ensure that they have enough money or emotional tie to make their lives.
There is a controversy about who will be responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to them, whereas other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they should save money for their retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. In my view, the combination of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
would be a better way to ensure that the elderly can have a stable life.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are strong advocates of the elderly supported by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
may enable them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
those who are single without families are less likely to have an ability to earn their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who lost their spouse and lost contact with their family members are unless likely to maintain their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
will save their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living conditions can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
greatly
.

However
, opponents argue that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should save money for their retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
possibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not want to bring much burden to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and even want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contribution to society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
medical needs and costs occur in the last years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trouble in economy if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
give them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in these aspects.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take care of them by themselves, which means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
do not need to pay much attention to them and have more capital space to build more public facilities that both benefits to them and public.

In my opinion, if the elderly can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
themselves, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
will be better. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
from two ways which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ensure that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money or emotional tie to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should offer financial support andcare to old people, while others think that people should save money for theirfuture life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts