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A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v.14

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 14
Tips & Idea Generation for this Essay: Advantages of having a mixture of nationalities for a country: 1. The more diverse the nationalities in a country, the richer its culture and traditions become. 2. People from different backgrounds have different things to offer in terms of ideas, experiences and expertise. Thus a country with diverse nationalities develops faster. 3. Multi-ethnic societies offer a wealthy pool of ideas and lifestyles which lead to innovations. 4. Cosmopolitan cities build facilities and infrastructures keeping different nationalities in mind and thus become favourite destinations for international tourists. 5. Citizens in such a country foster tolerance and peaceful coexistence. 6. Members of a racially and ethnically diverse society are better prepared to deal with global trades. 7. In such a society, people get to choose the best aspects of various cultural attitudes instead of having no choice but to embrace the traditional attitudes of their own culture. 8. Generations in such a country become biologically well-suited to face challenges and living in more adverse conditions. Drawbacks of having a mixture of nationalities for a country: 1. Different opinions about the same issue and varying outlooks to life. This may lead to social unrest and injustice. 2. May lead to ethnic conflicts and civil unrest. 3. The country may lose its unique cultural identity altogether. 4. People possess discriminatory views about the minority group which generate hatred and anger.
Tips &
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Idea
Generation for this Essay: Advantages of having a mixture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
: 1. The more diverse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the richer its culture and traditions become.

2.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
backgrounds have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things to offer in terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, experiences and expertise.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
develops faster.

3. Multi-ethnic societies offer a wealthy pool of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and lifestyles which lead to innovations.

4. Cosmopolitan cities build facilities and infrastructures keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
in mind and
thus
become
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
destinations for international tourists.

5. Citizens in such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
foster tolerance and peaceful coexistence.

6. Members of a
racially
and
ethnically
diverse society are better prepared to deal with global trades.

7. In such a society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to choose the best aspects of various cultural attitudes
instead
of having no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to embrace the traditional attitudes of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture.

8. Generations in such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
become
biologically
well-suited to face challenges and living in more adverse conditions.

Drawbacks of having a mixture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
: 1.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
opinions about the same issue and varying outlooks to life. This may lead to social unrest and injustice.

2. May
The singular proper name 'May' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "leads", "leaded", "led".
lead
to ethnic conflicts and civil unrest.

3. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may lose its unique cultural identity altogether.

4.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
possess discriminatory views about the minority group which generate hatred and anger.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 14

Essay
  American English
12 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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