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The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. v.13

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. v. 13
Traffic congestion is perhaps a curse in many cities and it kills valuable time on the one hand and degrades people's overall productivity and economic progress on the other hand. Since the main reason for traffic gridlocks on the roads is the overwhelming number of people who commute daily, limiting it to to a reasonable extent is conceivably the best solution to curb the bad traffic. Admittedly, the government and city administration cannot ask citizens to stay indoors and arrange 'work from home' facility for every professional as making it a regulation would create confusion and discontent. Moreover, people need to get outside not only for their professional, shopping and educational needs but also to socialise and for entertainments. Thus restricting people's need to commute daily seems like an unrealistic idea to many. However, there are ways to implement it without creating any confusion and dissatisfaction among citizens and curbing the traffic problems at the same time. Since we need to reduce the number of commuters and vehicles from the road, which is the only viable solution to traffic problems, we can sort out the professionals who can work from home and then distribute the facilities like shopping centres, parks and banks to all residential areas so that people can get them within walking distance. For instance, IT professionals, lawyers, bookkeepers, customer service representatives, instructors and similar other professionals do not need to travel to their office daily as they can execute most of their responsibilities from home with the help of technology. Moreover, improving some facilities and digitalising many services can deter people from unnecessary daily commuting. For instance,   many parents travel to their children's school daily to drop them and pick them up and if schools offer safe and convenient transportation facilities, parents would rely on such facility rather than travelling daily. Similarly, banking, utility bill payment and help desk should be digitalised so that we can complete our tasks from home rather than visiting those offices. To conclude, traffic congestion in many cities is so big a problem that the authority is struggling to keep in control. A large number of commuters and the vehicles they use are the primary reason for that and it is expected that the government would facilitate people so that they need to commute less frequently.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traffic
congestion is perhaps a curse in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities and it kills valuable time on the one hand and degrades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
overall
productivity and economic progress
on the other hand
. Since the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
gridlocks on the roads is the overwhelming number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who commute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
, limiting it
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
a reasonable extent is
conceivably
the best solution to curb the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
traffic.

Admittedly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and city administration cannot ask citizens to stay indoors and arrange 'work from home' facility for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
as making it a regulation would create confusion and discontent.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
outside not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
, shopping and educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
and for entertainments.
Thus
restricting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to commute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
seems like an unrealistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.

However
, there are ways to implement it without creating any confusion and dissatisfaction among citizens and curbing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
problems at the same time. Since we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of commuters and vehicles from the road, which is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
viable solution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
problems, we can sort out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
who can work from home and then distribute the facilities like shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, parks and banks to all residential areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them within walking distance.
For instance
, IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, lawyers, bookkeepers, customer service representatives, instructors and similar other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to travel to their office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
as they can execute most of their responsibilities from home with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology.

Moreover
, improving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facilities and
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalising' is British English.
digitalising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
services can deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
commuting.
For instance
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents travel to their children's school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
to drop them and pick them up and if schools offer safe and convenient transportation facilities, parents would rely on such facility
rather
than travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
.
Similarly
, banking, utility bill payment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
desk should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalised' is British English.
digitalised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can complete our tasks from home
rather
than visiting those offices.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
a problem that the authority is struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in control.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
commuters and the vehicles they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
are the primary reason for that and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to commute less
frequently
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. v. 13

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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