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The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. v.11

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. v. 11
The most viable solution to the evergrowing traffic problem in urban areas, according to some, is to minimize the citizen's need for travel to workplaces, shopping malls and schools. However, I disagree with this viewpoint. First, all jobs cannot be done from home. Doctors, engineers, nurses, sales executives and many other professionals have to visit their workplaces and meet people to execute their responsibilities. Similarly, if we shop online, dispatch staff will still be on the road to deliver products. In addition to this, many professional courses require field studies and laboratory works and an online course cannot provide such facilities. Online courses cannot be compared with classroom teaching and the quality of the products cannot be judged just by the pictures on a laptop or a phone. Thus people need to get outside to do their daily works. Furthermore, if somebody is confined to one place for a long to avoid being outside for their daily needs and professional duties, he may develop health problems - diabetes, obesity, hypertension, and weak eyesight are only a few to mention. To truly tackle traffic congestion, we need more realistic solutions than restricting people to stay indoors. One such solution can be improving public transportation. The convenience of public conveyance would discourage many to use their private cars, which is the primary reason for bad traffic in many cities. Furthermore, the government can encourage people to use an eco-friendly mode of transport, like the bicycle, by dedicating a separate lane for them. Many European and Asian cities, for example, already have separate cycle lanes and this has been truly effective in promoting environment-friendly vehicles and reducing traffic congestion. In conclusion, in order to minimize traffic jams, the authority should enhance mass transportation facilities and encourage people to use eco-friendly transports rather than planning to restrict people's movements.
The most viable solution to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
evergrowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
problem in urban areas, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, is to minimize the citizen's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for travel to workplaces, shopping malls and schools.
However
, I disagree with this viewpoint.

First
, all jobs cannot
be done
from home. Doctors, engineers, nurses, sales executives and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
visit their workplaces and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to execute their responsibilities.
Similarly
, if we shop online, dispatch staff will
still
be on the road to deliver products.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professional courses require field studies and laboratory works and an online course cannot provide such facilities. Online courses cannot
be compared
with classroom teaching and the quality of the products cannot
be judged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by the pictures on a laptop or a phone.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
outside to do their daily works.

Furthermore
, if somebody
is confined
to one place for a long to avoid being outside for their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and professional duties, he may develop health problems
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
diabetes, obesity, hypertension, and weak eyesight are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few to mention.

To
truly
tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more realistic solutions than restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay indoors. One such solution can be improving public transportation. The convenience of public conveyance would discourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their private cars, which is the primary reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
an eco-friendly mode of transport, like the bicycle, by dedicating a separate lane for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
European and Asian cities,
for example
, already have separate cycle lanes and this has been
truly
effective in promoting environment-friendly vehicles and reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion.

In conclusion
, in order to minimize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jams, the authority should enhance mass transportation facilities and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
eco-friendly transports
rather
than planning to restrict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's movements.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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