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The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. v.12

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. v. 12
Urbanization has brought the term traffic congestion into existence. A school of thought believes that traffic can only be controlled by limiting daily commuters' need for travel. However, I am not convinced that this is the only or the best way. Apparently, reasons that substantiate the claim "the less frequently people travel in a city, the fewer traffic jam they create" - require thorough analysis. Firstly, city dwellers commute daily primarily for their study, business, job, shopping and social needs. Some of these could be done from home through e-learning, online shopping and work from home concept due to the advancement of technology. This will reduce traffic to a certain extent. To illustrate, a survey conducted by Australian Traffic Authority outlines that 75% commuters in private cars travel for shopping, job and education and it is clear that if people can work from home, do online shopping and enrol in online courses, traffic congestion would be reduced, if not solved. However, working from home is not permissible for a great number of professionals such as nurses, doctors, police and so on. Therefore, they must travel to and from their workplaces daily. Moreover, online learning cannot replace classroom-based education system and online shopping is yet to substitute the traditional shopping method. Thus it is evident that controlling the necessity of travel for the day to day activities of citizens is not the only way to manage traffic problems. Improving public transportation, carpooling and encouraging pedestrians and cyclists could be some great solutions. To conclude, limiting city dwellers needs for their daily commute may help control traffic problems to some extent but other measures should be in place. The government should encourage people to use eco-friendly transportations to tackle both bad traffic and pollution.
Urbanization has brought the term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion into existence. A school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be controlled
by limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
commuters' need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
.
However
, I am not convinced that this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
or the best way.

Apparently
, reasons that substantiate the claim
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
the less
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
in a city, the fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam they create
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
require thorough analysis.
Firstly
, city dwellers commute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
primarily
for their study, business, job,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and social needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these could
be done
from home through e-learning,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and work from home concept due to the advancement of technology. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
to a certain extent. To illustrate, a survey conducted by Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traffic
Authority outlines that 75% commuters in private cars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, job and education and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can work from home, do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "shop"?
shopping
and enrol in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, if not solved.

However
, working from home is not permissible for a great number of professionals such as nurses, doctors, police and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to and from their workplaces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learning cannot replace classroom-based education system and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
yet
to substitute the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
method.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is evident that controlling the necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
for the
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities of citizens is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
problems. Improving public transportation, carpooling and encouraging pedestrians and cyclists could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great solutions.

To conclude
, limiting city dwellers needs for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
commute may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
problems to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other measures should be in place. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
eco-friendly transportations to tackle both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and pollution.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, shopping and education. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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