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A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. You should write at least 250 words. v.6

A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 6
Critics throughout the city have debated whether the company should money on arts or projects that directly connected to environmental protection. In spite of the potential earnings on artistic investment, the ensuing benefits of environmental protection is now becoming increasingly concerned by the stakeholders. This essay will analyse both views and use the examples from Hong Kong to demonstrate points. To begin with, investing on artistic facilities is intuitively perceived as a profitable business. The central reason behind this stems from the fact that arts is growing in importance. In fact, the majority of visitors of art galleries and museums admitted that their productivity enormously recovered after a monthly visit to these buildings. Moreover, it must not be forgotten that the art pieces installed in art galleries or museums can inspire innovation for various business sectors. Therefore, it is conclusively clear that arts, to a considerable extent, is worth investing regarding its business potential. Although there is a case for art galleries or museums translating into a promising business, the ensuing improvement of living quality begot by supporting environmental protection cannot be neglected. This is largely because the urban sprawling and industrialisation has led to massive pollution, which in turn casted detrimental effects to our health. For instance, the Environment Committee established that there has been evidently a surge in percentage of air pollutants at the road side since 2000. Consistent with this line of thinking is that the incidences of lung cancer could have declined significantly if more trees were planted on streets to counteract the pollution given by growing population. Thus, it is possible to state beyond doubt that investing environmental friendly campaign such as greening the residential area increases the likelihood on gaining acceptance from the public. In conclusion, supporting artistic development could generate a significant amount of revenue, yet the investment on environmental protection that enriching the well-being of our descendants are by far more essential to a metropolitan city. Given the increasing awareness of public health, it is predicted that the company will choose to spend money on environmental protection.
Critics throughout the city have debated whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
or projects that
directly
connected to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the potential earnings on artistic investment, the ensuing benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
becoming
increasingly
concerned by the stakeholders. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the examples from Hong Kong to demonstrate points.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, investing on artistic facilities is
intuitively
perceived as a profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. The central reason behind this stems from the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is growing in importance. In fact, the majority of visitors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries and museums admitted that their productivity
enormously
recovered after a monthly visit to these buildings.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be forgotten
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
pieces installed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries or museums can inspire innovation for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sectors.
Therefore
, it is
conclusively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, to a considerable extent, is worth investing regarding its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
potential.

Although there is a case for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries or museums translating into a promising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, the ensuing improvement of living quality begot by supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
cannot
be neglected
. This is
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the urban sprawling and
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
has led to massive pollution, which in turn
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "cast", the past tense form of the verb 'cast'?
casted
detrimental effects to our health.
For instance
, the Environment Committee established that there has been
evidently
a surge in percentage of air pollutants at the road side since 2000. Consistent with this line of thinking is that the incidences of lung cancer could have declined
significantly
if more trees
were planted
on streets to counteract the pollution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by growing population.
Thus
, it is possible to state beyond doubt that investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
friendly campaign such as greening the residential area increases the likelihood on gaining acceptance from the public.

In conclusion
, supporting artistic development could generate a significant amount of revenue,
yet
the investment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
that enriching the well-being of our descendants are by far more essential to a metropolitan city.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the increasing awareness of public health, it
is predicted
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will choose to spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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