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#69 If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v.2

#69 If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v. 2
In a modern society, most people are easy to change jobs. However, they may feel that they don' t have much confidence when facing a new job, not because of a new enviornment but also a lack of knowledge about the new job. Due to different requirements from different backgrounds, I think vocational educatin is in need. The reasons are as follow. Firstly, vocatinal education can help us adapt to a new environment fast. Although one is doing the same job in a field, there are also differences exsiting in different fields. For example, an English translator needs different background knowledge if he is working in chemistry and IT field. When he translates some articles or does some interpretations about IT field, he needs to know the knowledge about IT, like the technical terms. Suppose that he doesn' t know any technical terms, how can he understand some special meanings of these words, or even do a translation successfully? This is the reason that he needs some vocational training about IT, such as basic skills or common terms. Once he knows more, he will adapt the new environment fast and have a confidence in doing his job. In addition, vocational education can increase a person' s value. As a humanbeing, we are learning everyday. No matter what kind of knowledge we learn, as long as they are good, we can benefit from them. This society is full of new technologies and new inventions. Of course we cannot finish learning all when we are in school. But we also cannot give up learning when starting a job. We still need to upgrate ourselves to get used to this fast-changing society. In order to achieve this goal, we need vocational education to help us. They are more practical than the knowledge we learned from schools because this knowledge you need to use everyday. Only mastering it firmly can we do the job well. Last but not least, vocational education can help us to be promoted to a high level. As we know, a person to be promoted to a manager or director needs to have a thorough understanding about the job and the field he is doing. By understanding the knowledge or skills he needs, he has a strong competition against other people. In other words, he has a priority to be promoted if he knows his job well through vocational education. In short, without vocational education people use what they have already learned, but they won' t focus on what kind of knowledge they should learn in order to adapt their new environments, add their values and increase their competitions. Above explanations are reasons i think vocational education is very important to us. Thus, if i could study a subject that i have never had the opportunity to study, i will choose vocational education.
In a modern society, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, they may feel that they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have much confidence when facing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviornment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
requirements from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
backgrounds, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
vocational
Possible spelling mistake found.
educatin
is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. The reasons are
Did you mean "as follows"?
as follow
.

Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
vocatinal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us adapt to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. Although one is doing the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, there are
also
differences
Possible spelling mistake found.
exsiting
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
For example
, an English translator
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
background
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
if he is working in chemistry and IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. When he translates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
articles or does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interpretations about IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about IT, like the technical terms. Suppose that he
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
any technical terms, how can he understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special meanings of these words, or even do a translation
successfully
? This is the reason that he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vocational training about IT,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
such


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or common terms. Once he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knows
more, he will adapt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and have a confidence in doing his job.

In addition
, vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can increase a
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s value. As a
Possible spelling mistake found.
humanbeing
, we are learning
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. No matter what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
we learn, as long as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, we can benefit from them. This society is full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inventions. Of
The comma is probably missing here: "course, we".
course we
cannot finish learning all when we are in school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we
also
cannot give up learning when starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. We
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
upgrate
ourselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-changing society. In order to achieve this goal, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us. They are more practical than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
we learned from schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
mastering it
firmly
Did you mean "cans"?
can
we do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
well.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
be promoted
to a high level. As we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
, a person to
be promoted
to a manager or director
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to have a thorough understanding about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
he is doing. By understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, he has a strong competition against other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In other words
, he has a priority to
be promoted
if he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knows
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
well through vocational education.

In short, without vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
what they have already learned,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
won&
#039; t focus on what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
they should learn in order to adapt their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environments,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
their values and increase their competitions. Above explanations are reasons
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to us.
Thus
, if
Did you mean "I"?
i
could study a subject that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have never had the opportunity to study,
Did you mean "I"?
i
will choose vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Mistakes

IELTS essay #69 If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
473 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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