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#63 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. Use reasons and specific examples to support our answer. v.2

#63 Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. Use reasons and specific examples to support our answer. v. 2
Some people assume that most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time will become valuable lessons for the future. I agree with it. In my opinion, most difficult experiences we go through now will help develop our personalities, such as persistence, independence and confidence, which are most valuable for our future. Persistence is the first lesson most difficult experiences will teach us. When I was a little boy, teachers and parents always taught me that if you want to succeed in our future, then you must learn how to keep ourselves persisting on our goals. From that time, I know no matter what kind of dreams I hold, I must persist in realizing them. For me, entering a university is a very good example. During my high school, I felt math was the most difficult subject for me. I almost gave up my dreams because of my poor math scores. However my father asked me not to give up my plan and encourage me to keep going on. Finally I succeeded in entering a prestigious university. After entering the university, I learned my second lesson - independence. It was a really difficult time for me because I was never far away from my parents for such a long time, what' s more, I need to take care of myself not only about living conditions but also about my study. At the first period I really did not know how to adapt myself into the new environment, it was no surprise that I got lost during that time. Luckily, I had, have and will have my parents and friends' encouragement to help me go through that quite difficult time. Now I am working in Tokyo and I think what makes me get used to this fast society is due to my college' s experiences. I believe that I will become more independent than before. Building enough confidence is another lesson the difficult experiences teaches me. Not everyone is born to be confident. What helps me build my confidence is also through most failures I went through. There is an old saying " failure is the mother of success" . Yes, it is true. Through failures we can learn what we are short of and gain a lot of lessons from others. Building confidence is a gradual process. It takes time and you may see our improvement a few years later. I think the chance of getting this job greatly relies on myself to show much confidence that I can do this job well. There is no denying that three important personalities I learned from most difficult experiences before make my life totally different now. In short, we need to go through many experiences no matter they are sweet or bitter. Although most experiences are currently difficult or a bit tough for us, it is believed that this kind of influence is powerful and definitely will be valuable for our future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that seemed
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difficult
at the
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time
will become valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
for the future. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it. In my opinion, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
we go
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through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
develop our personalities, such as persistence, independence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
, which are most valuable for our future.

Persistence is the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
will teach us. When I was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
boy, teachers and parents always taught me that if you want to succeed in our future, then you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves persisting on our goals. From that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I know no matter what kind of dreams I hold, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
persist in realizing them. For me, entering a university is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example. During my high school, I felt math was the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
subject for me. I almost gave up my dreams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my poor math scores.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
my father asked me not to give up my plan and encourage me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
going on.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
I succeeded in entering a prestigious university.

After entering the university, I learned my second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
independence. It was a
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I was never far away from my parents for such a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
what&
#039; s more, I need to take care of myself not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about living conditions
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but
also
about my study. At the
first
period I
really
did not know how to adapt myself into the new environment, it was no surprise that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
lost during that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Luckily, I had, have and will have my parents and
Possible spelling mistake found.
friends&
#039; encouragement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
that quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I am working in Tokyo and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
society is due to my
Possible spelling mistake found.
college&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. I believe that I will become more independent than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Building
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
teaches me. Not everyone
is born
to be confident. What
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me build my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
most failures I went
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
. There is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; failure is the mother of
Possible spelling mistake found.
success&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Yes, it is true.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Through
The comma is probably missing here: "failures, we".
failures we
can learn what we are short of and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
from others. Building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
is a gradual process. It takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and you may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
our improvement a few years later. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the chance of getting this job
greatly
relies on myself to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
that I can do this job well.

There is no denying that three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
personalities I learned from most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my life
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. In short, we need to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
no matter they are sweet or bitter. Although most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are
currently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
or a bit tough for us, it
is believed
that this kind of influence is powerful and definitely will be valuable for our future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay #63 Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. Use reasons and specific examples to support our answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
492 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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