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#6 If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v.2

#6 If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 2
If I could change one thing about my hometown, I would like to build some useful and advanced facilities. A modern library, an advanced broad band system and an integrated gym may bring a lot of changes to people living in my hometown and keep them up to date with the latest information and technology. In my opinion, a modern library in my hometown could provide a good environment for the local people to study and improve themselves. There are a lot of newspaper, magazines and feference books for their use. They could learn about what is happening around the world and keep up with the fast-pace of this developing world. From lots of cultural books, they also could get a good habit of reading and overcome problems we meet in daily life. To popularize broad band at home would also give quick access to the Internet and movie channels, which could give people much more chances to choose thir entertainment. Because of the Internet, our lives have been changed a lot no matter wheter we accept it or not. We can read the news, buy items from e-commerce companies, send free e-cards to our friends, mail our beautiful photos to anyone we like and watch movies online. Anyway, the Internet brings obvious changes. Additionally, broad band also can provide movie channels to users. Can you imagine that you could watch the movies you like just by clicking one button? It provides different types of movies for you to choose. People would have more choice to enjoy their lives and advanced technology at home. Besides, leaning important information that we need to know and getting advanced technology to use, we also need to do exercise to keep our lives healthy. This is the reason why I want to set up an integrated gym in my hometown. Through doing many various exercises suxh as swimming, jogging, playing badminton or tennis, people could enhance their ability to resist viruses and enjoy their lives happily. Furthermore, people who often do exercise have positive attitudes towards their daily lives even when facing difficulties. This is really what I hope to see. In summary, I want my hometown to be a city equipped with a modern library, an advanced broad band system and filled with people liking exercise, loving their lives and possessing positive attitudes towards their daily lives. Thus, I want to build above-mentioned facilities first.
If I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
one thing about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
, I would like to build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
facilities. A modern library, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
band
system and an integrated gym may bring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them up to date with the latest information and technology.

In my opinion, a modern library in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
could provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment for the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves. There are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of newspaper, magazines and
Possible spelling mistake found.
feference
books for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. They could learn about what is happening around the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-pace of this developing world. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of cultural books, they
also
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habit of reading and overcome problems we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in daily life.

To popularize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
band
at home would
also
give quick access to the Internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
channels, which could give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
much more chances to choose
Possible spelling mistake found.
thir
entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the Internet, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
no matter
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheter
we accept it or not. We can read the news,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
items from e-commerce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
free e-cards to our friends, mail our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
photos to anyone we like and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
online. Anyway, the Internet brings obvious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
band
also
can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
channels to users. Can you imagine that you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
you like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by clicking one button? It provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
for you to choose.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would have more choice to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
technology at home.

Besides
, leaning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information that we need to know and getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
technology to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, we
also
need to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
healthy. This is the reason why I want to set up an integrated gym in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
. Through doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
Possible spelling mistake found.
suxh
as swimming, jogging, playing badminton or tennis,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could enhance their ability to resist viruses and enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
happily
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitudes towards their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
even when facing difficulties. This is
really
what I hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.

In summary, I want my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
to be a city equipped with a modern library, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
band
system and filled with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
liking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, loving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and possessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitudes towards their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Thus
, I want to build above-mentioned facilities
first
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay #6 If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
402 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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