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One should live a relaxed life instead of always hurrying. Do you agree ordisagree with the above statement? Why or why nor? Use specific reasonsand examples to support your answer. v.2

One should live a relaxed life instead of always hurrying. Why or why nor? Use specific reasonsand examples to support your answer. v. 2
In order to receive offers to study at university, students must meet entry requirements and pay tuition fees. These conditions are universal for all university applicants, which means that those from underprivileged backgrounds face more difficulties in obtaining higher education. I fully agree that the government should introduce special arrangements to enable more of these students to study at university. Children who live in remote areas, or whose parents cannot pay for private secondary education, typically attend schools where teachers are not as strong as those in private schools, or those in the state schools located in the city centres. As a result, those children achieve lower grades on average in their final school exams, and have fewer chances to be offered places at universities. However, their grades reflect not only their merits, but also the weaknesses of the educational system, and this should be taken into consideration. For that reason, universities should have lower entry requirements for such young people in order to give them an equal chance. Furthermore, in rural areas, average household income is typically significantly lower than it is in cities. This means that people from those areas can often find it hard to pay tuition fees, which are the same for everyone. For instance, in the UK, the average income in London is almost twice as high as in wales, yet students from small villages in Wales and those from London are all required to pay nine thousand pounds per year to study at university. Without any doubt, the government and universities should introduce more scholarships and discounts for student from families with low income. To conclude, I agree that the government and universities should together introduce lower entry requirements and more scholarships for students from remote areas and lower-income families in order to give them an equal chance to acquire a university education.
In order to receive offers to study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
entry requirements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
tuition fees. These conditions are universal for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
applicants, which means that those from underprivileged backgrounds face more difficulties in obtaining higher education. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce special arrangements to enable more of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study at university.

Children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, or whose parents cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for private secondary education,
typically
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where teachers are not as strong as those in private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, or those in the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
located in the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
As a result
, those children achieve lower grades on average in their final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
exams, and have fewer chances to
be offered
places at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
However
, their grades reflect not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their merits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the weaknesses of the educational system, and this should
be taken
into consideration. For that reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should have lower entry requirements for such young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in order to give them an equal chance.

Furthermore
, in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, average household income is
typically
significantly
lower than it is in cities. This means that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
tuition fees, which are the same for everyone.
For instance
, in the UK, the average income in London is almost twice as high as in wales,
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
villages in Wales and those from London are all required to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
nine thousand pounds per year to study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. Without any doubt, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should introduce more scholarships and discounts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
from families with low income.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should together introduce lower entry requirements and more scholarships for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and lower-income families in order to give them an equal chance to acquire a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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Munia Khan

IELTS essay One should live a relaxed life instead of always hurrying. Why or why nor? Use specific reasonsand examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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