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When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree ordisagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. v.2

When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree ordisagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. v. 2
In the recent years, there has been an upsurge in the number of social issues pertaining to youngsters. Some people opine that, the key reason behind this increase is that the parents of these teen aged children dedicate most of their time at their workplace, hence they are not able to spend enough time with them. I completely agree with this opinion and in my essay I will support my views with examples. Undoubtedly, parents nowadays are struggling hard to make the ends meet and to provide a better future for their children. But while doing so, they are unable to pay proper attention to their children. As a result, often it is seen that there is nobody to correct their mistakes. Owing to which these kids are unable to judge between right and wrong behaviour and eventually end up acquiring a personality which is unacceptable by the society. To illustrate, these teenagers are often aggressive and short tempered. Because of these characters, they are neglected by their community and consequently are forced to live a life of isolation. Also, it is seen that these kids often fall prey to certain habits which lead them towards a disastrous life. As working parents spend most of their time in their workplace, there is no one to monitor the deeds of these youngsters. Consequently, they get indulged in bad habits example, drug addiction, smoking and alcoholism. These youths when introduced into the society, may get involved in unwanted altercations and ultimately may end up in legal actions against them. If parents spend adequate time with their children and understand their behaviour, they may not get steeped into these undesired habits. In conclusion, I strongly concur that parents’ proper attention towards their children plays a crucial role in the upbringing of their offspring. If the parents do not spend enough time with them, they may become aggressive and may also get attracted towards detrimental habits.
In the recent years, there has been an upsurge in the number of social issues pertaining to youngsters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that, the key reason behind this increase is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of these teen aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
dedicate most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at their workplace,
hence
they are not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and in my essay I will support my views with examples.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
nowadays are struggling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and to provide a better future for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
while doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they are unable to pay proper attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there is nobody to correct their mistakes. Owing to which these kids are unable to judge between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up acquiring a personality which is unacceptable by the society. To illustrate, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
aggressive and short tempered.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these characters, they
are neglected
by their community and
consequently
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life of isolation.

Also
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that these kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fall prey to certain habits which lead them towards a disastrous life. As working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their workplace, there is no one to monitor the deeds of these youngsters.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulged in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits example, drug addiction, smoking and alcoholism. These youths when introduced into the society, may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in unwanted altercations and
ultimately
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in legal actions against them. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and understand their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, they may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
steeped into these undesired habits.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
concur that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
proper attention towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
plays a crucial role in the upbringing of their offspring. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them, they may become aggressive and may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted towards detrimental habits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree ordisagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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