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501 some people say that people help others in the community more now than they did in the past? agree /disagree v.1

501 some people say that people help others in the community more now than they did in the past? agree /disagree v. 1
Inventors are considered to be not much crucial than doctors. Each profession, whether it is in services related to medical, engineering, technology, art and craft are all crucial for the existence of this universe. We all are dependent on each other in one or the other way. I believe that being a doctor is as important as being an inventor and hence, firstly this essay will prove the importance of inventors and then the importance of doctors. Today, we are living luxurious lives is all because of the various inventions that happened in the recent years. For instance, firstly, lets take very basic invention that changed the way people can travel from one part of the country to another are aeroplanes, and thus increased business among the countries at very fast rates. Moreover, other inventions like telephones actually helped mankind to connect with each other maybe sitting at the opposite ends of the world. With telephones various other facilities are invented like messaging, video calls etc. Hence, we can say that inventions proved to be very crucial for us as a society. Alternatively, medical science is as important as inventors, the same helped us to live longer and healthier lives. Doctors are known to be the second god, its because they can save lives by giving second birth to people facing with destructive conditions. Various inventions like heart surgeries, dialysis proved to be the saviour for many who are struggling with life fatals, and hence are important for mankind. In the conclusion, I would say that both doctors and inventors are equally important and I think they are also complementary to each other as medical science cannot run without inventions and inventors cannot do anything without medical science, therefore, both are vital for subsistence of human life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Inventors
are considered
to be not much
Use "(crucial)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
crucial
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
. Each profession, whether it is in services related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
, engineering, technology, art and craft are all crucial for the existence of this universe. We all are dependent on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in one or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
way. I believe that being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
is as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventor
and
hence
,
firstly
this essay will prove the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventors
and then the importance of doctors.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, we are living luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
is all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the various inventions that happened in the recent years.
For instance
,
firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
basic invention that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can travel from one part of the country to another are
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
, and
thus
increased business among the countries at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
rates.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
inventions like telephones actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
mankind to connect with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
maybe sitting at the opposite ends of the world. With telephones various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities
are invented
like messaging, video calls etc.
Hence
, we can say that inventions proved to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for us as a society.

Alternatively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
science is as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventors
, the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer and healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
are known
to be the second god, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
by giving second birth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
facing with destructive conditions. Various inventions like heart surgeries, dialysis proved to be the
Possible spelling mistake found.
saviour
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who are struggling with life
Possible spelling mistake found.
fatals
, and
hence
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for mankind.

In the conclusion, I would say that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventors
are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are
also
complementary to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
science cannot run without inventions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventors
cannot do anything without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
science,
therefore
, both are vital for subsistence of human life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay 501 some people say that people help others in the community more now than they did in the past? agree /disagree v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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