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5. There are more workers to work from hmoe and more students to study from home. This is because the computer technology is more and more easily accessible and cheaper. Do you think it is a positive or negative development. v.1

5. There are more workers to work from hmoe and more students to study from home. This is because the computer technology is more and more easily accessible and cheaper. Do you think it is a positive or negative development. v. 1
Nowadays, the availability of digital technology with affordable price have offered us a more convenient yet efficient lifestyle. Telecommuting and tele-education, which are remarkable advances, are gaining soaring popularity amongst schoolers and office staffs. I believe this is a positive trend and I shall provide evidence to support my opinion. Firstly, an apparent merit of working or studying from afar is associated with the economic aspect. By staying at home, individuals can save money spent on travelling back and forth between workplace and home. This vast amount of money can instead be invested on personal interests or textbooks, which are sometimes expensive for students. Secondly, tele-schooling or telecommuting may open socioeconomic doors for talented individuals who live in remote areas and unable to come and work in big, developed cities. Because urban areas offer greater employment opportunities and better educational system, people from underdeveloped regions cannot have equal chances to enjoy these facilities as others. With the utilization of computer technology, people can now study and work in conducive conditions which is equal to urban citizens even though they are far away. However, working or learning from home can have their demerits in terms of work efficiency. Because people stay at home where there is an absence of supervisors, they tend to neglect their assignments at hand and do other personal tasks during work hours. This results in reductions of work efficiency and productivity. Nevertheless, this problem can be solved by setting progress goals for workers and pupils, as well as implement strict punishment if their tasks are incomplete by the deadline. These acts would provide incentives for people working from afar and guarantee effective performance. In conclusion, I believe telecommuting and tele-schooling bring us a positive development. These options are economically efficient and they offer better employment and educational opportunities for people from remote areas. Despite having a demerit regarding the potential low working performance, this problem can be solved by setting progress goals.
Nowadays, the availability of digital technology with affordable price have offered us a more convenient
yet
efficient lifestyle. Telecommuting and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-education
, which are remarkable advances, are gaining soaring popularity amongst schoolers and office staffs. I believe this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend and I shall provide evidence to support my opinion.

Firstly
, an apparent merit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or studying from afar
is associated
with the economic aspect. By staying at home, individuals can save money spent on travelling back and forth between workplace and home. This vast amount of money can
instead
be invested
on personal interests or textbooks, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
expensive for students.
Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-schooling
or telecommuting may open socioeconomic doors for talented individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in remote areas and unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
, developed cities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
urban areas offer greater employment opportunities and better educational system,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from underdeveloped regions cannot have equal chances to enjoy these facilities as others. With the utilization of computer technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in conducive conditions which is equal to urban citizens
even though
they are far away.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or learning from home can have their demerits in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay at home where there is an absence of supervisors, they tend to neglect their assignments at hand and do other personal tasks during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours. This results in reductions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency and productivity.
Nevertheless
, this problem can
be solved
by setting progress goals for workers and pupils,
as well
as implement strict punishment if their tasks are incomplete by the deadline. These acts would provide incentives for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from afar and guarantee effective performance.

In conclusion
, I believe telecommuting and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-schooling
bring us a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. These options are
economically
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
efficient and
they offer better employment and educational opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from remote areas. Despite having a demerit regarding the potential low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
performance, this problem can
be solved
by setting progress goals.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay 5. There are more workers to work from hmoe and more students to study from home. This is because the computer technology is more and more easily accessible and cheaper. Do you think it is a positive or negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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