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34 1 Talk about an experience of learning something new What difficulties do you have to overcome in order to learn it v.1

34 1 Talk about an experience of learning something new What difficulties do you have to overcome in order to learn it v. 1
One of the widely discussed issues in this day and age is the amount of young adult population, which is considerably higher than the number of older people in some countries. Although there are both pros and cons of a large number of young adults, I believe that the advantages of the huge amount of young adult population outweigh its drawbacks. On the one hand, there are some advantages of the high rate of young adults in society. First of all, young adults contribute to the national economy more than older people. In other words, young population equals to the workforce. Moreover, their ability to do work and working capacity is higher than older people. For example, the production industry needs young and skilled labour to improve production. Secondly, developed countries also need young adults to continue their improvement. For instance, most of the developed countries such as Germany and France have a relatively old age population. However, there is an increasing labour requirement in these countries. These kinds of countries demand foreign workers and skilled immigrants due to their old age population. Therefore, the young adult population is essential and advantageous. On the other hand, the huge amount of young adult population sometimes causes problems such as increased unemployment rates. Furthermore, the employment rate is related to the amount of employee demand. If there are not sufficient amount of job opportunities in a county, unemployment rates may improve. In addition to this, higher job demand may also reduce wages which cause economic problems for the citizens. Therefore, the higher rate of young adults may be a disadvantage in some cases. In conclusion, although the higher share of young adults in society has certain disadvantages such as unemployment rates and low salaries, I believe that the advantages of high young adult population outweigh its drawbacks in terms of their contribution to the national economy.
One of the
widely
discussed issues in this day and age is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, which is
considerably
higher than the number of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Although there are both pros and cons of
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
, I believe that the advantages of the huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
outweigh its drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in society.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
contribute to the national economy more than older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
equals to the workforce.
Moreover
, their ability to do work and working capacity is higher than older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, the production industry needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and skilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
production.
Secondly
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
also
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to continue their improvement.
For instance
, most of the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Germany and France have a
relatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
However
, there is an increasing
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
requirement in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
demand foreign workers and skilled immigrants due to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is essential and advantageous.

On the other hand
, the huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
causes problems such as increased unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
Furthermore
, the employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is related
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of employee demand. If there are not sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of job opportunities in a county, unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
In addition
to this, higher job demand may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
wages which cause economic problems for the citizens.
Therefore
, the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
may be a disadvantage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.

In conclusion
, although the higher share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in society has certain disadvantages such as unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
and low salaries, I believe that the advantages of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
outweigh its drawbacks in terms of their contribution to the national economy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 34 1 Talk about an experience of learning something new What difficulties do you have to overcome in order to learn it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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